Anxiety

I’ve been using for 2 weeks. My joints are def still inflamed, but a positive result has been my HRV increasing during sleep, anxiety levels down, and…sex drive increase?!? I’m also taking TB-500. I’m also doing the lowest effective dose.

i was taking 250mg a day hahah turns out it was supposed to be mcg, not mg, didn’t even notice. whoops. did it for a whole month straight , helped my gut and anxiousness in the morning, noticed my psoriasis around my left eye disappear ( self diagnosed lol ) anyway, good video!

Yep go for it, get the deca too, hell go get 2 online clinics at once. After ur intial few months on with blood tests. Look up the peptide cycles and I started with the main 5 as well sermoreline, ipa, cjc, bpc/tb and now it’s up to like 11 diffent ones I take. Like dsip for better sleep, selanl/semax to calm my flight/fight nerve issue, NAD, amino injections and so on As that way you can get extra test and get both steroids at once OR get enough deca to run high than 100mg a week or run it for longer than 10 weeks “That might not be healthy” Well ur gonna have blood tests that would show if ur doing bad and 2 are we living now? Hell no we arnt So get used to it, hit it hard, get healthy, drop back down to therapeutic levels.

I spent the last couple weeks searching everything on it and there's very little even on reddit. Studies have decent information, but it's hard to find much. It seems that the body remembers previous usage if you ever stop and start again later. I tried lyrica, it was pretty good overall. Mostly worked for stress which I have an enormous amount of from genetics and dealing with annoying pain. It wasn't all that great for pain though but I had 0 sides and I slept great. I still got off, saw that my stress was horrible and decided to get back on it a month later for a few months. I was going to get off opiates soon so I wanted to be as stress free as I can be. The second time around, it didn't help as much and I started reading on the memory issues which has been my number 1 plague from adhd, ptsd in my 20s and aphantasia ( barely remember my life). First time I got off 150mg 2x a day in a week and a half just slowly emptying my pills content everyday. Second time. I went slower. 2 weeks in I was about at 30 to 40% and it was hell. I read that it compounds the effect. The more % you drop, the more suffering. So you can't just say that you'll drop the remaining super fast because it's gonna be about the same suffering as if you took it slower. Anyways, 2 or 3 days after my last day I started having way more intense stomach incomfort, light diareha, constant stress, painful skin, no ability to endure any temperature, irritation. It was so bad, my vyvanse actually stopped working at all at higher doses even. I had more effect from water thab 60mg vyvanse! 8 days after the last pills. I was still sighing all day, even on tramadol. It helped 0 but then I realized that my loose stool was making absorption worse. So on 9th day I took more tramadol, took 0.75mg of xanax in the afternoon and magically the 10th day I was down to 5 or 10% incomfort. So tldr; I'd you got off lyrica easily once, don't start again just because you think it'll be easy again. And up your other meds when quitting, I probably suffered an extra 20% just from other stuff not being absorbed at all. I have a super fast digestive system. Xanax works, don't need a big dose, I broke a regular 2mg in half then tried to break that 1mg in half. I never use it so I have 0 tolerance though. Wish I had started taking some earlier but I really hate the feeling at night and the next day.

I used cannabis nonstop since my accident, like 8yrs ago now. Did wonders for chronic pain and the anxiety association with it (esp since they basically don’t prescribe opioids anymore). But turns out I’ve got Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome, which makes you puke your guts out nonstop until you go to the hospital. Basically became a necessary evil and was still better than life without cannabis, so I kept going. But apparently it gets worse every episode and I went into full kidney failure, almost died. Was sent to a better-equipped hospital via helicopter so I guess they weren’t kidding. Was a super fun ride though. Anyways, I’ve been cannabis-free for about a year now. The first few months SUCK. Had crazy bad insomnia, pain got much worse, anxiety totally unmanageable. But it slowly gets better. It took about three months for me to level out, so unfortunately you may have a ways to go. Hang in there, it does get better. But if you don’t have CHS and are only quitting for a job, maybe consider working somewhere else if it really helps you. Things kinda level out eventually but there’s no real replacement, so you’ve def gotta weight the pros/cons.

It may not help much, but one thing that helps me is remembering I am just an animal and any animal under severe stress will react in that way. And just like any animal, I will try not to blame myself for feeling hopelessness, bitterness, despair or sadness in a harsh situation. I try to practice acceptance of my feelings and self-compassion that way. I (and you) deserve care and quality of life, just like the animal. Not reproach. Regarding God, I don’t know your personal faith, but if you use the Bible in your religious practice, I’ve find praying the Psalms can really bring my anxiety to God and therefore reduce it. Many Psalms are lament, of people who were suffering disease, war or betrayal, so it really helps me to express my pain. I’m doing EMDR with my therapist (it comes from before the chronic pain, I was abused at 10 and developed mental health issues after that) and it has been helpful on an okay level. But mindfulness is something that has been even better. It can be worth to try. Anyway, good luck!

I am trying to find a way to open up, and get things out of my head, and deal with the issues that I have. I have never been able to talk about any of this with anyone, and I am having a hard time finding words and giving myself permission to let my guard down. I have deleted several paragraphs already, re-reading them and thinking “there is no way anyone will believe this,” or, “I can’t say that, it will only hurt whoever’s reading this.” And that is my first inclination: to protect myself and others, from myself. I am chronically depressed. I have a chronic heroin addiction. I am chronically incapable of telling anyone about what really happens in my head, and so I have stayed chronically mentally unwell. I have hidden myself so well and for so long that the truth feels overly dramatic and self-serving and completely unbelievable. But I have this funny feeling that something is going to happen soon and I am going to die, and I am at peace with that, and there are those who need to understand why. All of the darkness has stayed inside of me and there isn’t any room left. I don’t know where it came from. I sometimes feel that I can’t find even one memory that isn’t tinged with loneliness, or fear, or shadows. All of them whirling inside of me and turning into hate, and loathing, and anger—towards myself. I was—I am—so afraid of what might happen if I lose control, if I am no longer able to contain it, to internalize it, to hold it in. Terrified of giving in to my compulsions of self-harm. I am my own worst enemy, and half of me battles the other, and I am in the middle, and I am not winning this war. I can remember feeling this when I was less than 10 years old. And now, years later, I am still lonely and afraid and I have no self-esteem and I alternate between intense feelings of self-loathing, and self-pity. There is screaming in my head and sometimes the need to hurt myself is so intense that I can barely keep myself from giving in. I have visions of my body bashing itself in and shredding its own skin, and I am only partly horrified. Drugs, for me, have been the only source of comfort, and they will most likely kill me. I can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning, or afternoon, or sometimes evening, if I am sober. I have nothing to look forward to but pain and misery (and yes, I know this sounds melodramatic and ridiculous). I literally cannot leave the house unless I have to, because I’m so anxious and depressed. I am in such a deep, dark hole and I do not have the skills or motivation to do anything about it. So why not get high? Why not get drunk? Why not stay up all night shooting heroin, always half a grain away from an OD? I have lost the energy to give a shit. What a waste of intelligence, of strength, of heart. I could have been a great addition to the world. **EDIT/Rough Outline continued:** Thank you, everyone, for your responses! It's nice to have feedback, since I'm not comfortable sharing this with real life people, who know me, and could make things more difficult for me in my current state of mind. I wanted to share some background, though, to put things in a better perspective. * To all the people who suggested treatment programs, NA/AA, medication, etc: I have been in and out of pretty much every form of treatment available in the US. I am on Suboxone, and I have been for the past 5 years, and then on and off for another 3 years before that. I've been using dope (heroin) for about 12 years, again, on and off but with many long periods of daily use and complete physical addiction. Right now, the only physical addiction that I have is the Suboxone itself; my concerns are with the *mental* addictions. Suboxone does block opiates, but you have to actually *take* it for it to work. * I have also tried NA, and I know that it works really well for a lot of people, but I never got comfortable with it. I have pretty bad social anxiety, which was compounded by sitting in a room with lots of strangers and talking about really personal stuff. I did collect some phone numbers, but I cannot seem to make myself change enough to be the kind of person who can just randomly dial a strange number and bare my soul to whoever answers. I just can't do it. It is a pretty big drawback, and I definitely wish sometimes that I could be that kind of person. It just makes me too uncomfortable, and that in itself is a trigger to use. * Therapy and psychiatric medication were also suggested; I am on meds for depression, anxiety, and ADD. I have also been in counseling for a long time, although I haven't really stuck with one therapist for more than a couple of years. Again, my natural reticence is a huge inhibitor to any sort of progress. I just freeze up whenever I open my mouth to actually say what I really feel. It's like my tongue has suddenly been chopped off, or my brain decided to shut down for a bit. I know that I might sound pretty lazy and unwilling to make an effort, but I assure you that this is not the case. I really DO want to feel better and fix my head, but the only way I've been able to do that is by using heroin. Really, the **only** way. I really believe that the only way I can be at ease with myself and my life is if I can give up on the treatment that is socially acceptable and just treat myself, with the "medication" that actually works. The only issue that I see with constant heroin use is the amount of money it takes, and also being sure that it's constantly available. I don't use heroin to get all dopey and sleepy and nod out-- when I use it, I feel energized and motivated and comfortable with myself, and I can actually accomplish things that would otherwise be really difficult for me to do... things like going out in public, meeting people, making friends, thinking, talking, breathing. I can also follow through with things like work and business and all that stuff. My mind feels clear. I know that most people will not agree with me on this topic. There are clinics in other countries that follow the same idea as mine; instead of handing out methadone, they hand out pharmaceutical grade heroin. Research shows that crime and poverty are reduced in the neighborhoods surrounding the clinic, because the need to steal is obliterated when your medicine is available and free. Research also shows that there is **no** data that suggests that more people start to use just because they can-- if anything, I think that legalizing it in these clinics may take away some of the romanticism and attractiveness that some new users feel. Basically, I just want to be able to live my life and not feel like it's torture. That's how I feel right now. I want to be able to live my life and be in control of my body and my decisions, as long as I'm not hurting anyone. And if I decide that living is too hard for me, then that's my choice as well. I am still going to try to be clean and sober and to fix my mental issues the "right" way. I am really trying to live like everyone else. These ramblings are just... ramblings. Wishes. Ideas. A spewing forth of thoughts that I have never, and may never, actually *speak*. **TL;DR** If you're looking for a TLDR, don't bother. I have no way of condensing this wall of text into a couple sentences. Sorry!

30yo male here. Had pretty bad insomnia since I was 18. Here's a TLDR; for those that don't want to read the wall of text below: 10 years of life disrupting insomnia, 2 years of life ending insomnia. Have taken nearly all available prescriptions to try to sleep. Few worked, all came with side effects eventually that worsened my health. While trying to repair the damage that chronic multi-day long sleeplessness created, I stumbled upon a cheap and readily available cure for all of my issues including my insomnia. A peptide called GHRP6. I would put it under my tongue at night, eat a huge meal, and then become intensely tired. First time in my adult life I slept like a fucking rock. It has been 4 months and it has been only consistent success. Totally safe to take for as long as you want. And comes with the added benefit of increase healing, anti-aging, etc. --------- I have two main causes of my insomnia, basically. First is, I have racing thoughts. Will replay the day, the past week, year, decade, etc in my head. Can't clear my mind and fall asleep. Second, I have a crazy adrenaline response. If I hear a noise, my adrenaline spikes and my heart pounds. If I am having trouble falling asleep, then I get nervous that I am going to have a shitty day the next day, so then my heart start racing and then I don't sleep because of it... etc. at 22yo I took trazodone and it definitely made me sleep if I stayed with an ever increasing dose. It gave me brain fog, short term memory issues, a few other side effects which were serious enough to where I had to get off of it. I started taking vyvanse for work after I graduated college, and it did not worsen my insomnia from what it was until about age 26. At age 26, I would go atleast 1 night a week without sleeping at all, and then a few days with 4-5 hours of sleep. The vyvanse made it to where it wasn't really an issue to deal with though. At 27 I got on Ambien, then lunesta, hydroxizine, a few other benzos, amitriptyline, and a few others. Lunesta was the only one that did anything, and I slept well for a while. It eventually stopped working, and about 16 months ago, I went into a serious dark bottomless pit of insomnia. At 29, roughly 16mo ago, I went through a period of time, while on lunesta, where I wouldnt sleep for up to 5 days. Not your typically, rolling around, falling in and out of a shallow sleep and then telling people you didnt sleep at all ... I mean stare at the fucking ceiling for 5 hours and then get up and go to work, for 5 days in a row. This lasted for about 4 months until my body and brain gave out on me. I developed an anxiety disorder. I had lost like 20lbs. I had circulation issues. Stomach ulcers. gastritis. IBS. I couldn't focus at all. I couldn't work. I focus first on the anxiety issues, which lead to SSRIs and SNRIs which made everything 1000 times worse. My sleeping became worse. etc. So then I switched to trying to treat the gastro issues. After diagnosing stomach ulcers and gastritis and IBS, they put me on PPIs and a few other things, none of which helped. Only made it worse. So I did a bit of my own research and came across a few medical studies on peptides, which led me to BPC 157 which is a peptide for healing. This helped briefly, but wierdly enough, it made me sleep very well for about a week then it went away. So after that semi successful run of a peptide I bought off the internet. I looked into others. I read another medical journal about GHRP 6, which is a mimic of a peptide your body creates that tells your body when its hungry and ready to eat. It also helps release your own human growth hormone. I started taking that in order to help stimulate my appetite and bring blood flow to my GI tract and initiate healing. And it worked like a fucking charm. I was eating more than I had in forever, and my stomach issues were rapidly improving. But the one thing that increased more than anything else..... MY SLEEP. Before I started these peptides, I got off sleep medicine, because any pill was hurting my gastritis. I obviously struggled with that and dealt with worsening insomnia, but I pushed through it. I upgraded the course of GHRP6 that I was taking to include another peptide that further increases your own human growth hormone production, called CJC1295 (no dac), and have been taking those two 1-2 times a day for the past 3-4 months. I am back on my vyvanse, I also drink caffeine again (which I quit for 7 years due to insomnia), and I am sleeping better than I have in my whole life. I actually get tired at night, I lay down, and I am out. I may wake up to piss or eat a snack, but back to bed until proper rise-n-shine time. I have been working out for the past 4 months, which is something I havent done consistently in 7 years due to no having the energy and not being able to drink caffeine. I have gain ~30lbs back that I lost from my rock-bottom era 16 months ago. The best part is, this peptide is something that you can take for as long as you want. It does not downregulate your own ghrelin or GH production and you do not develop a tolerance for it. And the cherry on top is, your growth hormone blood levels are increase to 3-4x their normal levels, so your skin is younger, hair is longer and thicker, nails are more healthy, your body heals faster, and your muscles in theory repair faster. It basically makes you feel younger. - Would also like to give a shout out to Clonidine and Guanfacine. Those are 2 medicines that are called alpha-2 adrenergic receptors. They are technically blood pressure medicines, but they are also prescribed for ADHD. They also happen to boost your own natural human growth hormone. I started taking them a few months back, and they tone down my adrenaline response. At the beginning of this post, I mentioned that my adrenaline response was too strong and it kept me up at night with a beating heart. This eliminates that and calms my mind. Really helps with the whole insomnia thing. Feel free to message me about any questions.

The fact that you’ve had chronic stress in your life is the key. My sleep started getting bad around your age after having years of on and off chronic stress. Sounds to me like your nervous system is just taxed and you could be perimenopausal. Trust me. This is a nervous system dysfunction and the worry about it is just making everything worse. I had this exact thing and it took me a few years to get it resolved because I kept searching for so many solutions but wasn’t addressing my body stress. When is the last time you’ve worked out for 30 minutes per day? I say that because that is a wonderful solution for chronic stress. It will tire out your body and help you sleep a little better. I started working out more regularly last year and my sleep has improved so much and soul has my chronic anxiety. Try not to overthink it. You already know you have an anxiety problem. This is the reason you are not sleeping well. Stress gets pent up into the body and when you don’t sleep, it starts to compound and then you get to a point where you just can’t heal and you start spiraling. I got to the spiraling point where I was getting 0 to 2 hours per sleep per night and I was a mess. I’m back to sleeping 6 to 8 hours again, but I have to exercise. For the next week, try to stop taking so many different things and trying so many different solutions because that can drive you mad. Just changed one thing such as working out moderately for 30 minutes per day and see if that makes any sort of difference. It doesn’t have to be intense. In fact, it should not be intense if you are not sleeping well but maybe a 30 minute moderate walking video with some added arm movements. Do that for three days in a row and see if that makes any sort of difference. If you notice that gives you an extra hour or two, then that’s a sign. This is a nervous system problem. Trust me when you have an anxiety issue the last thing you want to do is try 100 different things because you will never know what truly works and that just makes your anxious system worse. I have been there.

The fact that you’ve had chronic stress in your life is the key. My sleep started getting bad around your age after having years of on and off chronic stress. Sounds to me like your nervous system is just taxed and you could be perimenopausal. Trust me. This is a nervous system dysfunction and the worry about it is just making everything worse. I had this exact thing and it took me a few years to get it resolved because I kept searching for so many solutions but wasn’t addressing my body stress. When is the last time you’ve worked out for 30 minutes per day? I say that because that is a wonderful solution for chronic stress. It will tire out your body and help you sleep a little better. I started working out more regularly last year and my sleep has improved so much and soul has my chronic anxiety. Try not to overthink it. You already know you have an anxiety problem. This is the reason you are not sleeping well. Stress gets pent up into the body and when you don’t sleep, it starts to compound and then you get to a point where you just can’t heal and you start spiraling. I got to the spiraling point where I was getting 0 to 2 hours per sleep per night and I was a mess. I’m back to sleeping 6 to 8 hours again, but I have to exercise. For the next week, try to stop taking so many different things and trying so many different solutions because that can drive you mad. Just changed one thing such as working out moderately for 30 minutes per day and see if that makes any sort of difference. It doesn’t have to be intense. In fact, it should not be intense if you are not sleeping well but maybe a 30 minute moderate walking video with some added arm movements. Do that for three days in a row and see if that makes any sort of difference. If you notice that gives you an extra hour or two, then that’s a sign. This is a nervous system problem. Trust me when you have an anxiety issue the last thing you want to do is try 100 different things because you will never know what truly works and that just makes your anxious system worse. I have been there.

I'm writing this to help anyone who might be going through something similar. **NOTE:** This is not directed towards people who suffer insomnia where their sleep rhythms are extended or delayed and/or simply aren't tired at normal times of day. This is for insomnia sufferers who ARE TIRED who want nothing more than to sleep, but simply can't or have trouble crossing over due to anxiety, fears, and worries related to sleep. ​ **BACKGROUND:** I'm a 30 year old, bodybuilder, never had problems with sleep outside of NOT being sleepy at the right times and being an occasional night owl. Long story short, did a huge diet switch to keto (which, due to the lack of carbs, causes a large reduction in water weight, and a huge loss in minerals), and eliminated pretty much all vegetables. I went mostly carnivore and planned to slowly introduce foods back in to experiment and see if I had any food intolerances. At the time I had no idea how important electrolyte balance was and wasn't focusing on them. Ultimately I became severely magnesium deficient to the point of developing heart palpitations, unexplained irritability, and severe muscle cramps. At the time, I wasn't working and ostensibly had no major stresses in my life. I saved up a ton of money in my graphic design job in the previous year and was essentially "coasting" after being laid off to focus on myself and rebalance mentally. Ironically enough...it lead to the darkest, most traumatic experience I've had thus far in my life (more on this later). My big mistake was underestimating the stresses I was putting my body through. For starters, the ketogenic metabolic change is a HUGE stress. Imagine eating the standard American diet (high carb) for 30 years and suddenly stopping... Now, I don't wanna get into the science because there are plenty of resources detailing this already, but a massive metabolic shift occurs when switching to low carb, which depletes a lot of minerals and can cause you to feel awful for a few weeks. It's called the "keto flu" and is extremely common with first-time keto dieters. I went through this, but on top of that, I kept up with my heavy workout regiment. This was borderline overtraining. The kicker is this: a lifetime of playing high-stress competitive games, working out all my adult life, and barely eating magnesium-rich foods meant I was already low magnesium, but the recent keto change seemed to be the final nail in the coffin that pushed me into severe deficiency and caused more serious symptoms. This eventually triggered a panic attack that came out of nowhere. My guess is that the heart palpitations (which I had for about 3-4 weeks) constantly worried me and eventually triggered panic attack symptoms. Normally I'm emotionally resilient, and very stoic. I've had short bouts of depression through most of my adult life, but nothing I'd called "clinical". other than that I've had no mental health issues, no anxiety, nothing. And yet somehow...a panic attack snuck up on me. This is when I learned how important minerals were. When it came, I thought I was having a heart attack and that I was going to die, so it was traumatic. Went to the ER, did an overnight stay, and the typical panic attack rigamaroo where you think you're dying but the doctors say you're 100% fine and that it's all in your head. At the time I resented that, but when I got home, after the doctors found nothing, I started having panic and anxiety symptoms at home, and after a few hours of research, I realized, shit, this is actually a thing. My personality went from masculine, sarcastic, and stoic, to fearful, panicky, constantly ruminating in negative thoughts, worried, needy, emotional, etc. Absolutely NO LIBIDO, NO HUNGER, just constant fear and being way too deep in my own head to enjoy anything. That entire first week was nothing more than severe chronic anxiety. I mean, SEVERE....I was in fight-or-flight from the moment I woke up, 'til the time I fell asleep. The entire week I was getting horrible sleep 1-2 hours at best, then waking up from shortness of breath and elevated heart rates. My heart would start racing every time I went to sleep, or even thought about sleep, and this eventually developed into a form of sleep anxiety where my brain learned to associate sleep with fear. This is when the real problems started. A full week later, after a week of awful sleep, I was severely deprived, so I attempted to go to sleep, and for 16 hours straight, the same thing kept happening. I'd lay down, heart would start racing, body would go into full panic and fight-or-flight, and I'd be wide awake from the stress hormones, and eventually calm down 15-20 minutes later to be SEVERELY EXHAUSTED, rinse and repeat. This has never happened to me before, and I legitimately thought my brain was broken. I couldn't fall asleep for the life of me. Even lying in bed for 2-3 hours straight, perfectly still, my brain just couldn't shut off. This is when I found out what ACTUAL insomnia was. I desperately wanted sleep more than anything, but couldn't get there no matter how hard I tried, and the worse it became, the more nervousness and anxiety I built up around it...which of course works against you. I used to think I was an insomniac when I stayed up all night playing video games 'til 6am and had to wake at 8am, but NOPE, not even close... now I knew what real insomnia was. The 16 hours ATTEMPTING to sleep eventually drove me crazy, and sent my panic and anxiety into overdrive. I ended up calling 911 begging and pleading with them to find a way to put me to sleep. If you told me two weeks prior that I'd be pacing back and forth, sleep deprived, panic-ridden, talking to myself, ruminating, catastrophizing, and slowly becoming suicidal, I would have laughed in your face, yet that's exactly what happened. This taught me that ANYONE could become "crazy" under the right circumstances. I was eventually released from the hospital with a trazodone prescription the next morning around 8am (been up for roughly 40 hours now) and eventually ended up passing out around 12pm for about 1-2 hours of awful sleep. The trauma of everything spiraled into insomnia and severe sleep anxiety for the next few weeks. I lived my life in 30 to 40 hour panic-ridden "phases" with maybe 2-3 hours of sleep in between for the entire first week. It was awful. At the same time I decided I needed to beat this, despite feeling like total shit, panicky, fearful, etc. I had enough presence of mind to go on a strict protocol to fix everything and return back to normal ASAP. Below is what worked for me. **HOW I GOT BACK TO NORMALCY FAIRLY QUICKLY:** **NOTE:** The panic attacked happened December 21st, second ER visit with the insomnia freakout was December 28th and today is January 20th, so it's about a full month later. Chronic anxiety, heart palpitations, and insomnia are pretty much gone. I'm sleeping every night for 5-7 hours, which compared to before is amazing. Even bad sleep is better than no sleep. My life is mostly back to normal and I can function and do my daily activities fine, and after 3 weeks, I can actually laugh again and enjoy life. WOW. It's still a bit fresh so it can still take me up to 2 hours to fall asleep at times, but I eventually always pass out, so I no longer worry about it. I've made big changes however and I'll detail them below. **1. It is absolutely crucial to make sure your magnesium intake is very high.** If you have anxiety, your appetite probably isn't the greatest, and even if you're eating a healthy diet, you're likely to be magnesium deficient simply due to soil depletion and the fact that none of us really know if our foods are growing in mineral-rich soils. This is why I highly recommend supplementation of this crucial mineral. I use 'Natural Calm', and take 300-600mg daily. Why so much? Because I'm also a bodybuilder and am using what you'd call a "therapeutic" dose to recover from the traumatic panic/anxiety episode a few weeks ago caused by a severe deficiency, and many expert think the USDA RDA of 400mg is way too low, ESPECIALLY if you're going through a high stress period. This helped TREMENDOUSLY the first two weeks. You literally can feel a calming sensation take over you, and your thoughts become "lighter". Magnesium pushes calcium out of cells and nerve tissue so you're less reactive to stimuli, if that makes sense. The biochemistry is explained, but there's no real way to explain it to most people other than it feels like magic and takes effect very quickly. It felt like my body was so starved for this nutrient that it gobbled it up and put it to work immediately. My palpitations disappeared in a day after I started supplementation. It took a bit longer for everything else (because it's also partly psychological) but it helped tremendously with being clear minded enough to take a more objective look at the anxiety and insomnia. Go on Amazon and look at the countless reviews for the various magnesium products and you'll see thousands of people raving about magnesium's positive effect on their mood, insomnia and anxiety. If you can't supplement, add a few mag-rich foods to your diet. These include bananas, avocados, dark leafy greens, nuts, seeds, spinach, etc. There's boatloads of clinical and anecdotal evidence out there on the associations between magnesium deficiency (which is extremely common) and stress, anxiety, insomnia, sleeplessness, irritability, etc. so don't overlook this mineral when you're having these symptoms. There are numerous lectures, articles, interviews, and talks as well. Hit up YouTube, and do some searching. If you want a comprehensive overview, I'd start with Dr. Carolyn Dean; a well renowned and highly sought after expert on magnesium. Magnesium Deficiency 101 - Dr. Carolyn Dean: [https://youtu.be/3td7\_91UwrU](https://youtu.be/3td7_91UwrU) ​ **2. Force yourself to eat at the same times "daily"** (obviously you're living your days in phases with insomnia, hence the quotes, but try to eat regularly) and try to go to sleep around the same times daily. Absolutely no stimulants for obvious reasons. Yes, you'll be tired, you'll have brain fog, you'll be hallucinating, and getting through the day will be rough, to say the least, but you'll be ruling out any deficiencies, as well as working on your circadian rhythm so that you naturally get tired around the same time daily. With constant eating of nutritional meals, you'll be setting a good nutritional base for your body to produce what it needs to produce in order to relax and eventually fall asleep. Do not trust your hunger because it's impaired right now. You NEED FOOD. Do not allow yourself to degenerate any further nutritionally. You will NOT be hungry, but you can chew and swallow, and as long as you can do that, you can't give up on yourself. Also, note that "relaxing" isn't just an automatic thing, or a "lack of" action. You will need to feed your body the right foods so that neutrotransmitters, and various cofactors involved in the parasympathetic nervous system can become active and in balance with your sympathetic nervous system again so you can rest peacefully and get further and further away from the anxious states. ​ **3. Do all the generic sleep hygiene stuff;** switch devices to yellow light, only go to bed when you're tired so your brain associates sleep with your mattress, restrict your sleep to specific hours, don't obsess about the time or obsessively track hours slept, make sure your room temperature is comfortable, etc. I don't need to expand on this because it's repeated ad nauseum here, but the goal is to stack every possible card in your favor so you can wind down and fall asleep. ​ **4. THIS IS VITAL. Do not convince yourself that you have "insomnia"** or go into bed thinking you're going to have trouble sleeping. Even if you've been professionally diagnosed. Doctors don't care about you the same way you care about yourself, so keep this in mind. You're one of many patients to them so you need to take control of your own health, and sometimes that means completely rejecting their advice and diagnoses. You need to tell yourself that you're simply going through a rough period and sleep might be difficult, but you're fine. I can't stress how important it is to psychologically believe that things are fine and/or will get better. A major component of insomnia for people who suffer from anxiety is the very anxiety around not being able to sleep. The anxiety compounds the issue and it thus becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's one of the many cases in humans where if you believe it's a problem, it WILL be a problem. You need to find a way to, over time, decouple the association between sleep and whatever negative delusional spin you're putting on it. Do not predict the future with false and irrelevant evidence from the past. A bad night of sleep, or no sleep the day before does not mean it's going to repeat in the future. This is highly ILLOGICAL, but your brain won't care about this, it will force those thoughts on you. Be aware of your own cognitive behaviors and beat them out with clear, logical thinking. Obviously, this will be difficult since emotional states cause us to think delusionally, and insomnia along with the accompanying sleep deprivation will make it worse, but the big takeaway is to realize that you can't really trust your brain at this time because it isn't functioning properly and is under a lot of stress. This process can take time, be patient with yourself, especially if you think nutrition might be a factor. It's vitally important to remember that YOU CAN FALL ASLEEP. EVERY HUMAN HAS THIS ABILITY unless you have extremely rare genetic disorders or severe nutritional deficiencies that can EASILY be corrected. You need to realize that it's ENTIRELY NORMAL to have problems falling asleep for days, weeks or even months at a time. Your case is likely NOT UNIQUE, and many millions of people over millenia have suffered and successfully recovered from this disturbance. It is scary because it is happening to YOU, but take comfort in the fact that it is also common and treatable. This is not blind hope, or lying to yourself, these are FACTS THAT YOU NEED TO CONSTANTLY REMIND YOURSELF OF because your brain will already be doing a great job of bringing you down with negative thoughts. You must truly believe that you're going to get better and fix the problem, while taking every possible step you can to move the dial in the right direction towards progress. Take comfort in the fact that many people have sleepless periods like this for various reasons. Stress, nutritional deficiencies, terrible diets, anxiety, grieving, depression, breakups, divorces, etc. It's crucial to remember that all psychological stresses will diminish over time and you will return to normalcy. Your brain is constantly adjusting towards homeostasis, so YOU WILL HEAL IN TIME. YOU MUST KNOW THIS. Don't get obsessive over how long your recovery is taking, or set arbitrary goalposts (e.i. "I should be fine in a week"). Take things one day at a time. Also be aware that stress depletes magnesium, which is responsible for reining in ruminating thoughts and relaxing you. Again, I urge anyone with insomnia and/or anxiety to do ample research on magnesium. It is absolutely a life safer. Here's a really good video emphasizing some of the points made above: [https://youtu.be/ZGFVxQiLH8k](https://youtu.be/ZGFVxQiLH8k) ​ **5. Last part is to remember that falling asleep is an automatic and passive act.** You can't force it. This is the biggest mistake I made when I first encountered insomnia. You need to simply achieve a relaxed state while drowsy, and your brain will do the rest. Think back on previous times you fell asleep and note how you didn't do anything special. You closed your eyes, perhaps started thinking about the day or fantasizing, and eventually fade out. I had the biggest trouble with this for what seemed like an eternity, but eventually learned to simply stop worrying about getting sleep. Close your eyes, relax, let your thoughts wander to daily stuff; sex, work, social interactions, family, future plans, women, men, wherever your natural fantasies lie, and it eventually happens...you wake up, and the next thing you know it's a couple of hours later. ​ **IN CLOSING** I know this is difficult, and this is probably oversimplified, but it's important to not get frustrated if you don't get instant results. You will get better a little bit at a time. If you slept fine in the past, there's absolutely no reason to believe that you won't sleep fine in the future. There's a reason why cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia is so effective, because truly, for many of us, it's in our own heads. The human brain is an amazingly powerful and complex organ, and its power is such that it is also amazing at self sabotage. Keep this in mind when dealing with negative thoughts. I've also found it helpful to not AVOID negative thoughts. Write them out and or follow them through to their endings in your head. At times you realize how hilariously delusional many of your thoughts are, and how unrealistic they are. If you can find humor in them, the fear lessens, and they end up as "processed" thoughts. That thought can no longer bother you. Hence why facing your fears and confronting your negative thoughts works so well, because, in truth, the vast majority of our worst fears **NEVER COME TRUE**. At the same time, it's important not to over obsess and be in your head all the time. DO seek out distractions and ways to get your mind off your issues, but not to the point of total and complete avoidance, as avoidance reinforces fears. ​ ​

are you anxious? it sounds like me when i was in your shoes, hyper aroused, hyper sensitive and internally focused. your anxiety can overpower even some of the drugs. I got a bit manic / crazy after a few days of bad sleep and thought i had neurological (MS/parkinson) symptoms. My issue was constant urination and buzzing in my arms, upper back. still have some of that but i believe it's stress/emotional distress trapped in the muscles. def try sleep hygiene and find something that works. if anxiety is there you need to get that under control first then work on the insomnia. on days when I don't sleep well, i feel the fluttering, tightness and mild buzzing in my arms/shoulder blades much more than on days when i'm rested and less stressed. check out tension release. google 'tension release exercise' if you feel your limbic system is partially responsible for getting you in this state. good luck and keep optimistic. i'm 9 months removed and started seeing significant progress at 6 months with SSRIs. when i calmed down enough, melatonin started working and now supplements like l-theonine help.

Sorry it's hard right now... Some things that have helped me: about an hour before bed, take a hot shower. Then I go to a room that is not my bedroom and do something relaxing (reading, art... no news or screens). I do this until I am really, really, really sleepy. Even if I end up going to bed later than normal, it doesn't matter-- the point is not to lie down in my bed until I'm very sleepy. If I get into a routine with this, my sleep gets much better. If I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep, I get out of bed and go to the "relaxing" room. All of this helps to decrease my anxiety/fear around sleep. Lastly, on the worst nights, I comfortable myself like I would my niece or a small child, saying "it'll be okay, you're okay. You're safe here and you're gonna be alright." GL.

Sorry for the long post, but I’m desperate. I’ve been experiencing night sweats for years now on and off and it’s driving me insane and I’m desperate for help. All the bad nights sleep are compounding and making me feel like garbage (Headaches, Irritable, tired) It seems to have gotten much more frequent within the last year or two. I’m having a hard time pinpointing what could be the problem. I’m a 32 year old man with ADHD. My hands and feet sweat more than the average person throughout the day, but I don’t experience any sweating from my armpits/ body. During the day I’m not a sweaty person. I can experience night sweats 25 days in a row and then I might go a few days without sweating again. It’s all over the place. It seems to be getting more frequent. **How I experience the night sweats** I go to bed between 10:00 – 10:30 in my boxers and a t shirt. I wake up sweating sometime between 1:00 and 3:00. My boxers and shirt are wet enough they cling to me, my bed and duvet are damp, and I must get up and change. Once I get back to sleep it is very rare that I sweat again when I wake up between 6:00 – 7:00 to start my day. I wake up with a headache and very dehydrated from sweating. In the last 6 months there has been 2-3 times that I woke up sweating twice in the same night. That is new. Some nights I randomly won’t sweat, and I sleep right through the night. This is rare but when I do, I feel noticeably better and rested in the morning. I can NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME figure out what is different on the nights that I don’t sweat vs the ones I do. Temperature I’ve had thoughts that perhaps my issue could be temperature related. I try to keep my bedroom around 18 degrees. My girlfriend let met know that I bundle myself up in the fetal position while sleeping and she thinks I am overheating myself. If this isn’t the cause of my night sweats, it sure doesn’t help. I don’t know how to stop this as I do it in my sleep. To help, we bought a new Endy mattress that is advertised as being good for hot sleepers. It’s very comfortable but it hasn’t helped with the night sweats. I’m thinking of trying a weighted blanket made for hot sleepers, but they’re pricey. For a few weeks I switched from my supposedly breathable duvet to a sheet and thin comforter blanket and I still found myself sweating. **Anxiety** I do experience anxiety. I also was diagnosed with ADHD this year. I went through a depressive episode in 2015 that had me on anti depressants and sleeping pills. I was only taking those medications for a little more than a year. Initially I found the anti depressants useful as they helped me crawl out of dark place. Then I found they numbed me, and I couldn’t feel anything. I’ve been off any kind of medication for years now. To help with anxiety now I rely on a regular sleep schedule, regular exercise, therapy, and gratitude journaling. I use sleep meditation techniques when I get in bed to calm my mind and fall asleep. I’ve read that anxiety can be a detriment to sleep and I experience racing thoughts while trying to get to sleep. However, some days I have a great day with little to no anxiety, I work out, eat healthy and I still sweat like crazy in my sleep. Then other nights I’ve gone to bed noticeably anxious with something weighing on my mind and I MIGHT NOT sweat. I don’t believe I experienced night sweats until after this time in my life and it’s been happening on and off ever since. I never remember my dreams so I’m unsure if I am having bad dreams that are stressing me out for not. **Alcohol Use** One thing I have noticed is that if I drink alcohol in the evenings I NEVER sweat. I don’t use this as a solution because I still wake up feeling crappy because of the alcohol, BUT I never sweat and I always sleep through the night. I discovered this by accident. For example, last week I had hockey in the evening and had 3 beers afterwards. That night I slept through the night without sweating. Two nights later I played hockey again, but I didn’t have any beer after and I woke up sweating. This has led me believe that perhaps the alcohol calms my mind and stops anxious sweating, but that’s a complete guess. I always leave hockey with a very clear head and in a great mood because of how intense of a workout it is. I would think that would mean I wouldn’t sweat in my sleep afterwards but unfortunately I still do. I drink anywhere from 3-12 drinks most Friday evenings. I never sweat on these nights. But once again, this is a terrible solution to the night sweats because I still wake up feeling like crap. **Marijuana Use** I am a daily marijuana smoker and have been for years before the night sweats started. I smoke roughly 0.5 – 0.75 grams an evening. I used to smoke much more than this daily but have cut back in the last year or so. I used to “need” to smoke marijuana immediately before going to bed to get to sleep but nowadays I avoid smoking within 2-3 hours of going to bed as I don’t want to be reliant on it for sleeping. Some days if my sleep was terrible, I will use a sick day and instead of going to work I will smoke a little bit of weed and go back to bed for 2-3 hours and wake up around 9:00/10:00 and this is always the best and deepest sleep I get by far. I wake up feeling rested and noticeably less irritable. Perhaps that’s what I would feel like if I got good quality sleep during the night. For some reason I seem to get more relaxing and deeper sleep when I sleep from 6:00 am – 9:00am, but I can’t do this daily as I start work at 8:00 am. **My daily habits / food intake** I exercise 3-4 times a week. I have hockey once or twice and I also walk uphill on treadmill for 30 minutes after work some days. I eat scrambled eggs for breakfast, some sort of chicken wrap or sandwich for lunch and supper normally consists of chicken and pasta, Salmon and pasta or potatoes, Homemade Pizza. I rarely eat junk food during the week as I save it for the weekend. I drink several bottles of water a day to stay hydrated. My pee is only yellow in the morning. **My Bedtime wind down routine** I try to go to bed between 10:00 and 10:30 every night with my alarm set for 7:00. I dim my lights as the evening gets closer to bedtime. I’ve started to have a “Stress Soother” skullcap tea around 9:00 pm. I take 400 mg Magnesium Bisglycinate. I heavily hydrate all day but switch to small sips in the evening. I write in a 5-minute gratitude journal before bed. I don’t watch TV in the bedroom. I have a white noise machine. I lie on my back and do meditation exercises such as a full body scan and counting backwards from 100 until I fall asleep. When my mind wanders, I start back at 100. Ever since I was a kid I’ve had trouble falling asleep but the sleep meditation has been a great help with that. **Things I’ve Tried** - I’ve got my blood tested to see if I’m deficient in anything. I’m not - Also my doctor ruled out thyroid problems - I was tested for sleep apnea. Don’t have it - New Bed - New bedding - Sleeping with the window open on cold nights. Makes me bundle up more and sweat more - Fan blowing on me. Also makes me “Cold” so I bundle up in my sleep and then sweat - Fan blowing in the room but not on me. Doesn’t seem to help - Ashwagandha – didn’t feel any noticeable difference after taking for 1 month - 400 MG Magnesium Bisglycinate - CBD - Smoking way too much weed **Things I’m thinking of/ willing to try** - Expensive “Cooling” sheets and blankets/ mattress topper (Even though my bed is supposedly cooling already - Bed Jet bed cooling system. Also quite expensive - Any vitamins or nootropics or tea or anything that isn’t sleeping pills - Anything TL;DR: I have been experiencing chronic night sweats for years and it seems to be getting worse. I’m desperate for a solution as it’s affecting my physical and mental well being. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- **UPDATE - 6 MONTHS LATER** I appreciate everyone’s support and suggestions and I find comfort in the fact that so many people can relate to me on this. Hopefully we can all figure this out. Feel free to DM me to have a chat. Here’s an update:   My night sweats and sleep in general have greatly improved. I wake up less in the middle of the night and when I do wake up, I’m able to get back to sleep. I’d like to get some sort of smart device that monitors my sleep to confirm this / get some data. It can be tough to monitor sleep as there are so many variables in life.  I believe my sleep has improved because of two main reasons: changing of weed consumption and paying closer attention to the temperature of my bedroom. Last night was the first night that I had night sweats in months. I’m hoping it was a one-off as it was my first night sleeping while taking Adderall. Previously I was on Vyvanse. The temperature in my room was too high last night also. Here are a few observations:   **~Weed~** I decided to cut back my weed smoking to only weekends now. I have found that weed is very helpful to me in some ways and not so helpful in others. I am now at a point where I don't NEED weed to sleep and I don't NEED weed to eat. This was my goal.  When I smoke now, it's socially or on weekends. It was a tough adjustment as I was heavily reliant on weed for years. Now that I can sleep and eat without it, it no longer has a hold on me and honestly it makes smoking when so much better now. Less is more. To make this happen, I made a plan of how much weed I was allowed to smoke in the day and gradually cut it back over 3 weeks until I got to the point of smoking none at all. I had to get specific with this. I bought pre-rolled joints that were 0.35 grams a joint. I started smoking one each evening for a week and then cut back to half of one and so on until I made it to a point where I was able to sleep without it. Years ago, I quit cold turkey and I had the worst withdrawals for days and I was so sick and felt like absolute garbage. I was afraid this would happen again. Since I weaned off over 3 weeks, I did not experience any withdrawals at all. I would say the biggest problem I had was everything seems so damn boring and mundane without it initially. This has gone away for the most part. I do still have a craving to smoke on weekdays but I don’t act on it. It seems that when I wake up in the middle of the night now, I get back to sleep much faster as my body isn’t waiting for the queue of “Smoke weed, fall asleep”. I have always had a hard problem relaxing. Without weed, I find it difficult to just sit back and relax, even if rest is what my bodies needs after a day of work and exercising. I assume this is an anxiety and ADHD thing. Not being high during the weekdays has forced me to be more productive and to do some other things I’ve neglected over the years like playing guitar and doing evening stretching / exercise.   **~Bedroom Temperature~** I always assumed my bedroom was at a good temperature for sleeping. I was wrong. I bought a Bluetooth thermometer from Amazon that tracks the temperature and humidity and charts it out on a graph for you. It was only like $15. I’ve noticed that my bedroom wasn’t quite as cool as I thought. My bedroom was roughly 20-22 degrees Celsius throughout the night which is too warm. This is something I’ve been working on. I don’t have central air in my house so it’s a little tricky to maintain a temperature in the bedroom. Sleep expert Matthew Walker (Look him up if you haven’t heard of him), recommends a temperature of roughly 18 degrees when sleeping. The nights that my bedroom have stayed near 18, I have had much better sleep without night sweats. Last night was the first night I sweat since cutting back on weed. It might have been from a combination of things. As mentioned, I started a new medication for my ADHD yesterday switching from Vyvanse to Adderall. It was also warmer than 18 degrees in my bedroom last night. I will continue to monitor this.     TLDR; Sleep and Night Sweats has improved since no longer using weed daily. Keeping bedroom temperature at around 18 degrees seems to stop night sweats. I still think that anxiety/ ADHD are a big factor in all of this. Feel free to DM me if you want to chat about it.

Hi all, On a good 75% of my nights, I struggle with falling alseep. The classic "my mind will not stop going" deal that people here might know very well. I had been in therapy for a lot of time and that helped the good ol' anxiety, but unfortunately the issue with my stream of consciousness doesn't quite ever stop. Normally it's something that I just live with, but for sleeping it's quite clearly counterproductive to say the least. Here is the shopping list of things I tried and didn't help * avoiding caffeine (i only have it very early in the day. Est 60-80mg) * all possible rules for sleep hygene. My room is pitch dark, cool, I only use the bed for sleeping (and sex), I try to eat as early as possible etc.. Avoiding screens completely every day is hard, see below * having a strong bedtime routine: no difference * exercising: no difference, surprisingly. No matter if it is sport, martial arts or just being physically tired from work, doesn't make me fall asleep any faster. * meditation: actually makes it worse! * breathing exercises: I tried variations upon variations, worse than ineffective. I pavlov'd myself into getting stressed when i do these * body scan: as above * imagination based techniques: no effect. I just eventually drift back to the stream of consciousness * OTC supplements: melatonin, chamomille tea, valerian root, magnesium (I forgot what kind of magnesium compound I tried though) * getting up and doing something else: on a bad night, it makes no difference. I usually read, no effect but I love it. Podcasts, YouTube or music don't actually help either if not making the long wait less boring. * masturbation: I know it might seem funny to list, but sometimes people say it can help and I understand why. It doesn't * medication: not an option any time soon, nor a long term solution. I had luck with hypnotics, but the doctor told me that I cannot take these forever I don't drink regularly, I don't smoke (anything). I don't exercise either, but even if I did, I could only in the evening. I am gonna slap anyone who is lunatic enough to suggest waking up at 5am to exercise before work or some other nonsense like that. I am almost at a loss, but what I can remark is the unending stream of consciousness that never goes away. Or at least, not unless I do enogh to beat it. Unfortunately, whatever works is also too much stimulation to let me sleep, so I am very often between a rock and a hard place. Quite honestly, I would be happy with just feeling relaxed, but the train of thought knows no stop, apparently. Are there some obscure secrets that could help my sleep and not be total corpses for most of my waking life?

All through my 20s I would require 7 hours minimum to feel good all day. If I got less, I'd often have anxiety and crash later in the day. However, last summer I gave up alcohol after pretty much being a weekend blackout binge drinker for all my 20s. I'm 33 now and within the past few months I've noticed my natural sleep rhythm seems to be about 6 to 6.5hrs/night, with the occasional night of 8 hours. My average last week according to my smart watch was just over 6.5hrs per night. I don't take melatonin but my nightly ritual is basically l theanine and magnesium, and sometimes ashwagandha (but I don't take it every day as I read somewhere that it's best to cycle). Last night for example I went to bed around 1030. My sleep tracker says I fell asleep around 11 and I woke up at 5:20. And I feel pretty good right now! The thing is, I want to make sure this isn't a bad sign or something that could cause health issues long term. I'm assuming giving up alcohol and eating pretty well has lowered the amount of time my brain / body needs for proper rest and recovery, but at the same time they always say to aim for 8 hours per night and 2 hours less on a daily basis compounds pretty quickly. Should I just keep listening to my body or do you guys think this is anything to be concerned by?

For a lot of people with [***sleep disorders***](https://www.perfectsense.ca/blogs/sleep-better-live-better/comprehensive-guide-sleep-disorders), finding a natural path to a better sleep is valuable. You could even say it’s life and death. After all, the side effects of not getting enough deep, quality sleep ranges from irritability and clumsiness to serious health considerations like heart health, strokes, diabetes and more. The pharmaceutical world has created a variety of prescription and over-the-counter sleep aids, but there are always side effects to long-term use of these. If you’re one of the 40 million North Americans struggling with a chronic sleep disorder, looking to a more natural solution makes good sense. The legalization of cannabis (aka: marijuana, weed, pot) in Canada has opened up some opportunities for the chronically sleep deprived and sleep anxious to find a long term solution. ## What is CBD? CBD is the abbreviation for cannabidiol, which is an active ingredient in cannabis. It occurs naturally in cannabis plants. Unlike the psychoactive component of cannabis that gets you "high"—THC, or Tetrahydrocannabinol—CBD is derived from hemp and won’t give you that feeling of being high.  According to the [***World Health Organization (WHO)***](https://www.who.int/medicines/access/controlled-substances/5.2_CBD.pdf), there is also little to indicate that CBD has long-term ill effects, such as substance abuse and dependence issues. ## Can CBD Really Help You Sleep Better? While currently being successfully used and further tested as a [***treatment for epilepsy***](https://www.fda.gov/news-events/press-announcements/fda-approves-first-drug-comprised-active-ingredient-derived-marijuana-treat-rare-severe-forms), there is a growing body of research—albeit largely anecdotal—that shows that CBD is also beneficial for individuals who suffer from anxiety and anxiety-related sleep disorders, like insomnia.  *“CBD’s most far-reaching health effect may be its anti-inflammatory properties. And not just in a knee or hip joint, but throughout the body, including the central nervous system and the brain, says Joseph Maroon, M.D., a clinical professor of neurological surgery at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, who has investigated the link.* *In a 2018 review, he and colleagues said such effects could possibly reduce anxiety, depression, seizures, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and even benefit people who have had a concussion.” (*[***Source***](https://www.consumerreports.org/cbd/cbd-goes-mainstream/)*)* In fact, [***some studies***](https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/cannabidiol-cbd-what-we-know-and-what-we-dont-2018082414476) have shown that CBD may help people suffering from insomnia to not only fall asleep but to remain asleep through the night. In a large uncontrolled study to examine the connection between CBD, anxiety and sleep, a study of 72 individuals showed the following results: *“... presenting with primary concerns of anxiety (n = 47) or poor sleep (n = 25). Anxiety scores decreased within the first month in 57 patients (79.2%) and remained decreased during the study duration.* *Sleep scores improved within the first month in 48 patients (66.7%) but fluctuated over time.” (*[***Source***](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6326553/)*)* The positive results of this study makes the case for more controlled clinical studies to be conducted. But based on anecdotal evidence, it’s clear that CBD may be helpful to those who suffer from anxiety and anxiety-related sleep disorders. Instead of a sedative effect as occur with prescription remedies or THC, CBD works to lessen anxiety. With less anxiety, individuals are able to get better, more restorative sleep. ## How Does CBD Lessen Anxiety & Lead to Better Sleep? *“... cannabis compounds interact with receptors throughout the body—the so-called endocannabinoid system—including in the brain.* *At least one of those types of receptors is thought to affect the body’s sleep/wake cycle, offering one explanation for how CBD could affect sleep directly.* *And CBD also interacts with another receptor in the brain that researchers have linked to anxiety.” (*[***Source***](https://www.consumerreports.org/cbd/can-cbd-help-you-sleep/)*)* What this means is that there are some proven links between the receptors in your brain that are linked to sleep cycles / anxiety and CBD. Those links are an excellent starting point for researchers to continue to develop their understanding of how CBD affects sleep.  What does seem clear in the research is that there are few side effects, such as dependence, to using CBD so trying it out to see if it will work for your sleep issues is a low-risk endeavour. >NOTE: CBD, like other natural supplements, can interfere with the proper functioning of other medications that you are taking, so you should definitely consult a doctor if you’re planning on trying CBD for sleep.  ## What Forms of CBD Are Available? CBD—not to be confused with hemp oil—is available in an ever growing array of products. The most common is CBD oil, but CBD is also available to vape, ingest in the form of edibles, like gummy bears or as a pill. There is even some development in the area of topical usage, in the form of creams where you absorb the CBD transdermally.  Vaping it will get into your bloodstream quickly but for a more sustained, slow release, an oil taken under the tongue will be more effective methods to achieve improvements in your quality of sleep. Why under the tongue? Because it will enter your bloodstream directly and be effective in about 15 minutes, versus if you swallow it and it goes through your slower-absorbing digestive tract, delaying the effects of the CBD by 30 minutes or more. Dosage is also an area that continues to be researched, but as an example, the study involving the 72 individuals had them on a dose of 25 mg. Less is unlikely to have much effect; higher doses are available—100 mg or more—but they are also much more expensive.  *“Mitch Earleywine, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University at Albany, State University of New York, and on the advisory board the marijuana advocacy group NORML, suggests starting with a modest dose of 30 mg and slowly working up if that doesn’t work.” (*[***Source***](https://www.consumerreports.org/cbd/can-cbd-help-you-sleep/)*)* The use of oils or edibles also makes it easier to gauge how much you are getting in a dose, so you can determine for yourself if it is helping you get a better sleep. If you mix good sleep hygiene with an [***excellent mattress***](https://www.perfectsense.ca/products/10-memory-foam-mattress-in-a-box) and a high-quality CBD, you’re far more likely to get the restorative sleep that you need for a healthy and happy life.

It's not a cure, but it is physiology! Anxiety over pain increases pain & suffering. You know, the thoughts about the pain... worrying it's going to get worse, that it will never end, etc. That's anxiety. In addition, our body is ALREADY in fight/flight, thinking there is an immediate threat of danger. But with chronic pain, we are "no longer being chased by a lion", but our body is acting as if we are, trying to protect us. Being in this constant state, even if we can't tell, increases pain and can potentially cause all kinds of other symptoms, such as additional muscle tension, and contributes to other future long term health conditions, like high blood pressure and dysautonomia. There are things we can do things to positively influence our nervous system, and turn on a more healthy state, what we call "rest/digest" or "rest/relaxation". This isn't about curing pain. It is about reducing aspects that contribute to increased pain, fatigue and relieving some of the anxiety that comes along with being in chronic pain. When the word "trauma' is often used, it includes the experience of chronic pain, so don't let that deter you from trying different videos. The first two minutes of this video, the only movement standing up and gentle, the rest is very gentle, sitting in one place, so skip the beginning if you can't do it, but if you can try it for at least 30 seconds. Vagus nerve stimulation has become a "hot topic", there's even a medical implant. Anyway, personally, I find vagus nerve stimulation very helpful. Some people are very familiar with this, but I don't notice it very often in this sub. Even if it only decreases pain from 7 to 6, I'll take it! Sukie Baxter "Polyvagal Theory". She does a great job explaining it. Just something to explore... The worst that happens is you learn it's not for you! 💜

It helps me some. My moods are a bit better with a healthier diet. Lots of good fats and enough protein. They say it helps the nerves and hormone/neurotransmitter production. The gut plays a big role in that, so a healthy gut helps. They also say many of us don't get enough magnesium from our diets. Magnesium is said to help with with anxiety/depression. Sometimes I take a supplement.

Yeah this is why people say that OCD and insomnia can sometimes be sort of the same thing. I've had horrible insomnia for 2-3 years now (with a few periods where I fully buy into therapy and it's better for awhile before I let my mental health get bad again). I've gotten over covid while not sleeping at all, become a better runner, etc. I'm not going to tell you that it's not debilitating but I will say that your health is going to be fine. Not sleeping makes you feel like you're dying but you are not. The wired thing is super normal. Your parents are right that sleep will come back but I also just want to tell you that you have permission to just be anxious for a bit, it's okay! If you would like to take something unisom is a very gentle over the counter sleep aid that I like a lot. No reason not to try magnesium and melatonin, sometimes just a little push is enough to get you to sleep, sometimes not (and that's okay too). Daniel Erichsen is a great resource on youtube for dealing with this issue.

My name is Carter and I am a 14 year old boy my mom has shown little care for me since the day I was born my dad has job issues and can‘t afford to buy food or fix his car my mom is a RN who is going to soon work at Mercy hospital again My mom has lots of mental health issues and did not make me food or support me properly when I was young I had to survive off making myself these little blue microwave meals that I think were called kid cuisines? But either way I had to microwave those damn things at 4 years old one time I cut my finger with a kitchen knife while trying to “vent the film“ and I was bleeding bad I ran to my mom who was of course sleeping and told her I cut myself and she stated “go put a band aid on it and don’t wake me up unless the house is on fire“ I started crying and just wrapped a paper towel around my finger I later went to my grandmas house and my uncle vinny who is mentally unstable? I think its called so he has lets say less IQ and less control over his emotions he is in his late 30s and one second he is nice and asks if I want to go get ice cream with him or go to the park and the other second he will say he doesn’t like me or just go upstairs and hide but one day he was folding towels and putting them away when I said “I have to go to the bathroom“ he gets really upset when you interrupt him from doing chores so he yelled “USE THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM!” at the time the upstairs bathroom had a light that didn’t turn on and bad insulation you could see the leaky ceiling it was always freezing in there during the winter and boiling in the summer so I said “you gotta be kidding me I’m not going up there its freezing“ I stood there and he picked up his stuff and moved it to the living room and came back and shoved me and walked away I hit my head against the toilet bowl and blacked out my mom was there and told me to get up after looking at me for 15 seconds she met my stepdad who has very bad OCD and loses his mind about something being unclean and that wasn’t good because my mom had shit all over the condo and the storage room was packed she eventually cleaned some stuff but we always ate in the living room because the kitchen table was turned into a shelf if you know what I mean she got a cat and another and here I am today in lancaster with 5 cats 2 dogs I am failing school and the school is doing so much for me and I have big dreams I’ve always been very very smart I could talk about Biology class or math class for hours without getting bored I take medicine for my Anxiety my depression and my ADHD their have been 26 CPS cases over the years and all of them are “unfounded“ I have good reason to believe that my grandmas sister is taking apart in the “unfounded“part so nobody gets in trouble for abusing me My mom loves to pretend to play victim and say my dad “beat her” and “abused her” when in reality its the other way around she did that to my dad and oh man here it comes I’m 2 and they both separate I live with my dad and his roommate tony who later gets kicked out for stealing from my dad and would not stop smoking when my dad says ”bud I really don’t want to do this” he starts crying and thats when I know something fucked is about to happen he kneels down and says “I love you more than anything in the world but I don’t have money and I’m gonna have to send you to stay with your mama for a while“ and boom my mom gains full custody and this is where its bad the court agreement says I am allowed to see my dad for 2 days each weekend if I want and this is where my mom turns evil she starts going on vacation and enjoying herself all while I’m at my grandmas house and my dad is struggling to pay $600 a month in “child support“ when in reality she will just buy me one or two things and spend the rest on something else at this point it has been 2 or 3 weeks since I had seen my dad so I call my nana Mary who you will learn is my savior and guardian angel puts my dad on the phone and my dad has this thing where he would easily beat the shit out of anybody and talk while screaming so loud that he would turn red and veins would start protruding out of his face when he does this he legit sounds like a demonic entity but when I come around that revengeful wrath holding beast just suddenly goes poof! he becomes extremely protective of my and says things like “If anyone puts their hands on you I will beat them to death I love you so much” he knows how to discipline me without hitting me or mocking me but will still get his point out to me he has never put his hands on me or swore at me or called me an “Ungrateful little prick” or anything like that and no matter how mean I can be he still doesn’t do anything like that and he will easily say ”I love you“ so many times that I often think “why is he so nice around me” he has taught me so much but he isn’t perfect he has an extremely explosive temper when I am not around and he is paranoid like really paranoid like he tapes his phone cameras and won’t turn off airplane mode until norton antivirus is doing everything possible paranoid but in the end I don’t blame him I’ve seen so many websites that you can literally illegally watch peoples ring doorbell cameras and even their selfie cameras on their phone without them knowing my mom has gotten way better with her temper still might crash out and make her self look extremely unstable she buys me more things and shows care for me more but I can’t swallow pills and there are not many options for medications that fit my need that can be in liquid form or be dissolvable so I am stuck changing meds all the time and retrying old meds that got taken off for a good reason I take 5ml of Fluoxetine liquid a 0.5 mg orally dissolving tablet of risperidone which was taken off because it was “making my female hormones to high” which probably has something to do with my grandpa saying “your gonna grow tits” and at night I sprinkle one 40mg capsule of Jornay PM into apple sauce and eat the spoonful and for the past 7 months I get these uncontrollable movements that change each day like one day It will be me jumping and squeezing every muscle in my body really tight and another day it will be me blinking so much that my my eyes hurt and my vision gets blurry I can’t go to the bathroom and I am always constipated I call my mom she says “I take it you missed your bus?” and I said ”I didn’t miss my bus for a stupid reason I need to go to the doctor“ I started explaining the details and she says “I am at work you should be in school goodbye“ she hangs up and leaves me at a dead end and thats where I am today writing this long ass post that probably nobody is gonna care about they yell at me almost everyday I barely see my dad they have no issue calling me whatever slur they want and I make myself breakfast lunch and dinner everyday which at this age is normal but like I said I’ve been doing it since the day I gained consciousness and the only reason I have so many valuable items that probably could be sold and produce enough profit to pay for my entire college tuition is because my mom buys things a lot more than Fixing the problems we suffer from she acts very lazy sleeps for 7 hours on nights she works 3 twelve hour shifts per week and when shes off from work she falls asleep at about 10 pm and wakes up at like 12:40 in the afternoon which is easily 14 hours of sleep and says “you never let me “relax” like carter I’m tired” she talks, makes faces and sleeps like a girl in high school she barely drinks any water instead she will drink one glass of wine and say she is healthy because she drinks a mini can of dr. pepper and I tell her I don’t want to be unhealthy I am already very underweight topping out at about 90 lbs as a 14 year old I never wear shorts and only wear short sleeves and tank tops when I go to sleep I am very skinny I am a picky eater and the 2 people I live with hate and love each other while one drinks pop and tiny amounts wine with a side of McDonalds or tomato soup the other eats only low calorie foods drinks only water and pisses so much and fasts all day while drinking vodka all of the time I have so many responsibilities I have trouble with controlling my anger I am underweight and depressed I don’t know what to do

Rare personal story, just one really you can pass I'm just a man trying to communicate about insomnia, life, suffering, personal ups/downs, tails for people who might need them, connection for people who needed it, and for a personal win, finally contributing to (Ii really dislike reddit for many reasons, but engaging for personal growth and not autismo (colloquial, majority of internet are socially low ranked males with humour, obsessions and a high affinity for Autistic spectrum disorder not other specified. Psychiatric diagnosed (by Britians appaling but gratefully extisting mental health treatmen.. (alarm went off, trying to get up at same time every day. I cheat a bit by just staying awake for 3 days at a time but even though treatment is not a joke, I'm one who laughs like a ape on lsd when psychiatrists and mental health staff stiff try to get me to have "good sleeping habits" despite being "uncompliant" due to "choise", I just don't try hard enough to stick to good sleeping habits, tried it so many times but I'm out of will power right now. Look I've been up for 3 days this week, 3 days last, average 3 hours of sleep when I can or even just 1. What the fuck is good sleeping habits worth when they are the obvious alternative to prescribe when you "just aint suffering enough to get dem spicy benzo sleepy meds" I'm looking a this screen with double vision, i got to close one eye to read. Thinking of getting a butt vibrater recently. My condition means my self-esteem and confidence are so low, with high severe anxiety and mood disorder and brain that thinks sleep it a fucking drug that you don't want to get to tolerant to or get iwthdrawals, like waking up feeling every cell in your body alive. I mean I enjoy walking around with my cells heated and stressed, confused and wants a shag maybe after being awake 70 hours with its friendly associate "sleep-deprived mental state", a natural aphrodisiac, social lubricant, sure to win any birds approval if it weren't for them pesky "sleep" things other people do. I mean I enjoyed it when younger, spent a lot of time alone in bed for number of reasons, ending up having semi-buddhist self-realisations like controlling dreams, manually waking up from dreams (arguable), surviving parents with 1) No skill to attend to emotional struggles as men as supposed to be strong for women like my mom and sister, his mom, his sisters, heck the fucking Queen and Tina Turner all had this "odd, different,chaotic, self-doubting, paranoid, avoidant, terrifying, beautiful and blissful side to them. Women always confused me as I talked to them like men but apparently thats being weird or retarded. I've learned with therapy, time, medication, lsd, weed, the internet, proffessor Nutt,Eckhart Tolle, Dr Gaba Mate, Jordan Peterson and Avoidant Personality Disorder, GAD, dysthymic, chronic insomniac with a fortunate outlook on life, just, at , this, moment. Tomorrow I'll be wishing to be friends with the birds in the park again and I'm not ready to settle my social status ego as crazy park man, juicy lucy, Red Bull subversional experiment no#19387616, a sad man with troublesome problems (look at him hes look at nature lol! That's only for creeps, Perv!). Joking, I make jokes since my dad was someone who could break the moment of a family tragedy with laughter from a source I could only assume comes from a frequency (or just nothingness, k, I've got Tinnitus and a keen ear for loud noises and things I can't make sure that I've not went psychotic. of infront of everyone by saying "ocial attempt to communicate for no other conscious reason than engaging with people again, the internet is that beast that can social relieve you or repeat traumatic patterns from the past, activating your stored memories (without conscious realisation, you thought about it too much in the past and as an insomniac I can't remember to brush my teeth everynight! How could I be so gross? Should I judge, shame myself? When was I last shamed for being gross and how did it feel? Maybe in school group of friends, your parents giving you responsibilities tp help you with life, or yet another bried honest care for their son that isn't just to keep shame away from the family ( Insomniacs been through too much pain not to have awakened *spit special overpriced sleep relaxing tea our*. How can one human who gets no sleep become so mentally ill but ingenious in regards to treating a health condition regarded as simply avoidable and choice driven, to the unfair tragedy of our condition, which most others in my experience equate with a mild headache in the morning solved by [societal programmed respone, evidence biased on selection, funding and appeal to societies psychological fear of past government (and many current) axioms of control, deceit and subversion, their true interest in human life gone at the latest realising politics, choas, order corruption and desperation are recipies for levels of hell greater than missing the latest episode of the Simpsons, sports, gossip, meme everyone experienced while you wondered if being a highly educated cog in the machine of an orchestrated dance of emotional negativity designed for civilisations compulsive need for more rather than a fundemental return to the child you were before you were forced into dynamics that danaged your health and daren't stir the boat... or else... I startle from sleep as I'm falling asleep, nervous system rapidly jumps gears, relaxing takes ages, maybe not enough time to return to base before your next plight. I feel open (very rare, sorta weed helps! This isn't a weed dominant post its alright Mr/Mrs threatened person, reactionary or trying to value and burden civilisations psychological and emotional load (spiritual too, but nm that)) to keep its unimaginable complexity. Experiantial and high school graduate level insight on some Drugs, Psychonaut, Insomnia, Depression, anxiety, severe, chronic, treatment resistance, shame, spiral of despair, loniliness (yash I'm gotta say sexually at least. Good looking genes but brain rerouted and damaged by cross generational traum, genetic causes, I'll clean my flat (Or half at least so main room, toilet, hall, bedroom presentable. Shove every fucking thing in buckets and amazon boxes in their reminded of the times, future (Very pessimistic about future, cyberpunk, dystopia, mad max, fallout, fifa 11 (ahh my last of those shitty buy every year games, still... if I had friends that played I'd pay it for the experience, even battlefield 1943 that shitty plastation store game with faint reminders of the glory of old battlefield games (all best personal game memories come from games that communities are toxic, then you start walking around the residence silently looking at everything like god is making everything a fag that should just not exist pls. I'm human and teammate abuse/rejection is primordial and experience induced trauma for me, but I'm not revealing much about my true ills for redditors to put their finger in the proverbial wound and swiggle it around just for shits, because as I have come to learn, and you may be dubios or straight disagree, humans have became a sick species, unaware of its own tragedies running from cognitive torture, just for a few seconds, like an addict to finding peace (chaos and order are inseparable and peace is a state of no mind attained by very few in our generations), and it's no wonder... We come from thousands of years of extreme suffering and strength. I'll stop talking Jordan Peterson and/or Eckhart Tolle (if you have suffered you have a very low risk and high reward just to research and contemplate their teachings) to stop focusing on aggresive thougts through no fault of their own. No one really, deeply wants to endure more suffering that they already have, and I'm guilty of bullying a few kids to up my social status when the moment presented its like a cat pouncing if not interested) and their unique moments of pleasure from spotting enemy boats, dolphin diving and nades spammin. Got myself some, benzos, some weed,tobacco, and tasty treats. Some alcohol, yet still awake for 3 days last week with anything but an microsleep when I lost awareness in dizziness for a sec. Trying to drag they buses and trucks the "strongmen" tv show do in the mind. Anyone else feel like that analogy for your brain and ego to admire a little self-wortj? Not even a little huh, mind to busy. Making mistakes at work due to sleep deficit in a chicken fast food retailer Average 3 hour sleep including before theI got the Sat and weeks/months/years before it (avg mind, but a very static sleep chart on my phone so the GP, mental health staff and Docs, nurses and Psychs/therapits xx After those days awake, last weekend, I Drank 2 botlles of white trying to knock myself out to sleep on day 2/3 but not too harsh, Didn't work and sobering up from "heavy" alcohol binge to see the sun in the dawn is Achy and bland. Paracetamol, Caffeine, Neurofen help me start my new job a months few monthsto sleep related disorders... Not putting the counter for fried chicken your just made and dropped in the fried (an automatic rare mistake). Followed by breading chicken incorrectly. tried plus ssris ish types but not enough it seems. Biggest effect for managing the mental illness were srris (would have went in normal day life,worse under stress like work crazy anxiety knife in hands nuts)was vaping weed to treat my anxiety/mood (which yes if you use low or mix with tobacco won't zonk you. Diet is a riot 5 stones in 3 years, 19 bmi unhealthily thin to borderly obese at 29. We don't get the care we need and deserve as truely suffering a horrendlously life alterating condition. How has people with severe chronic insomnia i.e 3 hours a night average. Went to NHS psychiatrist and got told "your body will fall asleep when it needs to". I almost laughed out loud. My type is getting hypnic jerks/myclonus as relaxing and falling asleep, waking after what 1 hour? Expected to treat my Anxiety and Depression and all this shit through behavioural models which had failed through trial and error. Leaning over to the dark net now getting to grips with benzos and their addictive tendensies. Modafinil and Pregabalin have been the most important off the net, and Phenibut. Tianeptine sulphate not useful enough although a nice high with withdrawal worse that opiates and tianeptine is an antipressants AND opiate. I've read stuff about benos. Their suffering withdrawals worse than any drug, yes even heroin and crack. Just tried to get a little bit of sleep before long work hours in a kitchen by popping a cheap pill. Still judging their use/wprtj pver negatives, not spent much in w/ds and chronic use/abuse for 2 weeks now. Got some LSD too, Class A I know but I'm not woried overworked police officers will care, and if they do the cost wouls sick trash for them, and I use it for therapy and mental health issues. hmm. no invites copers. Note; Just got back from the shop and dude, I was having so many thought patterns I jump around the place like a asslym seeker in EU cpuntries. (are these attempted jokes banned? Soz if are pls no perma. Probably would want to be a comedian in the future yikes comedy so bland literally women comedians would just end up attacking each other and then jump on a political party. I love women. I love men. I love all. LSD and cannabis let me see women as equals and against the bigger religions views etc. I used LSD to try treat my insomnia and mental conditions, it showed me something I couldn't describe, only at 50uq for me it was potent maybe im sensitive. I seem morphin which freaked me haha but next time maybe ill have more introspection before jumping for some xanax and burying my head in my pillow like a huffy 8 year old trying to manage the terror this lsd can cause. Perception changes are fucking enormous people. I took weed and realised "Comedians are usually sad I wonder what they do ! " I searched Jum Carrey, and found Eckhart Tolle. I disagree that you can just be in the present moment like a choice, I think he is over optimistic in our "pain bodies" momentum it carries through the collective unconscious like that first time you fire your bay blade into that shitty pastic arena thing. I'm not going to fix this post I'd usually just delete this shit now but hey may some Pepega autismo incel tragic son of a bitch like me will enjoy this sht. Also reading with weed might help. Lsd and reading is.... I wouldnt like to do it yet anyway. Lsd made me love everyone and further forgive women in my life who cause me pain like my mother and other relations. We are all one. Naw, Im no psychotic im just 3 days sleep deprived trying to extrapolate a shit tonne of ideas from my head and a general low self esteem in my writing pride because its anonymous anyway I'll just delete it if its faggy (no offense just the happy faggy as in, your a fag because ur not giving that old women your seat. Not the gay. Also I was probably internalised homophobic before lsd, but now im like who gives a shit Also that knife shit about going nuts thats no worry no call the popo if i was gonna kill someone id of killed my mother when i was 11/12. What the fuck must she have done to me, I remember the verbal, emotional, psychological abuse but to want kill her the damage she was doing to me might have been worse than some physical kinds. Fuck her. But I forgive her. Her intention was never to harm me, psychopaths are very low percentage chance, and categorised as illness too and even psychopaths can restrain themselves just like a horny incel that wants to rape. Im not afraid to talk about this sht cus I talked to many mental health professional and the general concensus is 90% of people think completely fucked up things but, anyway, mr/mrs autismo that read this whole thing. If ur a hot grill message me, I'm not going to get catfished im fairly paranoid and extensively edgy as it is, and tbh, if a girl added me on the internet I'd probably block them just like on league of legends because my mind and emotions goes fucking nuts. What to say? Am I being cool? Is she into me? Am I thinking to much? Yes, ok. Focus on breath. I'm cold. Oh dude if this girl is into me it be so hot. Shit im fantasing about a girl who just wants to playt a game with me im so fucking sick. She made a joke with a kiss mark, is she flirting? Do I make a move? Shit shit shit. Fuck this get blocked noob hehe i play teemo jungle next 20 games fucking reeeeeeee. I'm ok lads. Ok that one really concerned person reading to see if I say something anymore fucked up, who do you think you are dealing with here? If you draw are on diaviant art or something i l ike that sht hit me up. 3 days Ive been up dude. Have to buy my own etizolam, will knock me out whenever I use it thankfully but without it its just awful. Being up for more than 3 days without sleep is a drunken, stumbling, slurring, brain farting, -20IQ, but I probably more chance of getting a grill like this than with 9000 hours sleep how sad. Talking about girls again fucking get out of me man I know ying and yang are cool and all but, shit man, evolution make it hard - literally - to not think about women when a depressed, alone, never gf, over school age, mentally ill, internet diagnoso autismato certified by Dr Nick! Childless, relationshipless, my therapist says this is actually a good thing for me because id be taking on others problames but (fuck if reddit has a character counter im going to be pissed I dont want to edit this crap im spewing out intuitive Kappa all over the place. So right, no gf or kids, die alone etc a lot of western scariest thing. But you know, with meditation and Buddhism (not stricktly tied to the institutional buddhism) you can find peace within yourself. I dont want to be 50 getting boners when I go outside to get a fucking apple. Jesus christ, it slike im 14, im on high dosage ssri paroxetine kills sex drive, still get fucking boners reeeeeee. cant fucking use them feelsbadman. would you ever become gay in a situation like this just for comfort and sexual pleasures etc? Im like 97% straight just and prostate massage froma cock would be nice based on my own experiment but the smell is not a fucking cinderalla or jasmine its a fucking gragas or santa after running around the world delivering presents when his dog with the red nose is sick. Women smell so nice, heres a spicy story. I was living in halls up at a close uni to mine, and everyone was out on break, so I got super horny tried to enter a girls room and holy sht... the door was open. I walk around hoping to find a nice dildo but I find out something disappointing, its a pair of panties absolutely drenched in female pheremones. Fuck, im not gay. Gay would be so easier dude i hate women cus of my mom and sister. Trans is just like, its hot porn but , i mean yeah id like to do it irl if she is hot but.... Im not fucking C9 Sneaky that dude makes me uncomfortable he makes me question fucking eternity and space and everything when he dresses like a cute girl and I want to fucking judge him since i got bullied at school and my parents would judge me but damn id probably fuck him. there it is, Like it may feel nice but the smell of guy, sweat, semen, dude, im a guy and that shit just aint pleasant or... sexually satisfying. Anyway insomnia fucks people up man. I see shadows at corners of eyes past 40 hours awake. I dont give a fuck about that shadow people sht its too drama and unstimulating for me. Ive seen fucking hallucinations. I downed this liquid once at a party at uni campus to impress a girl, no idea what was in it, fucking burned my nose drank 500 ml of spirit could have died but yolo haha xd. I spent time in college observing !alphas! and they just reckless smash shit up fucking retarded johnny bravo motherfuckers, Im more of a Tyler Durden myself. Watched that film on lsd the other day, it was great until I seen how it was basically Hollywood dictating what is really from fantasy, trying to pull you in, tell you what is real isnt, pulls you in again. fuck that shit man. That dude has insomnia in fight club. I love that sht. Its sort of an ego identity. Im meditating frequently when I can, obviously not right now shit went down at work didnt want to get pushed around like bullies did in high school fuck sake lose a job 10 years after high school still quit a damn good job, because of the kitchen staff were fucking amazing. The stories, the lifestyle, cant fucking remember their names on Facebook and my old phone broke with their numbers.... so mad. So what, I cant remember names, dont judge me. I dont know why i cant remember names. A name is like, identity. Human 1, Human 2. Mother, father. Baby, Adult. McDonalds, Burger King. Trump, one sec im gonna hit some weed not hit in like 9 hours dude./ Nah im not taking a hit yet, want to wait till im queuing up in league with my teemo jungle sheeeet weed dude hahah so cool ahaha. Actually only tried at 25, after everything else failed. and it showed me the spiritual side of life with its perception changes. It fucking saved my life. I fucks with me,.. She, fucks with me. The downs, the paranoids, the anxiety, the weed hangovers, but damn. So what if people become lazy stoners and sit around... guess what, they wont. Sitting around is fucking BORING. As a depressed medically sick note autismo gibs not having my job anymore at kfc sucks ass. I miss it, but I dont miss any sort of letting some bitches and wanks verbally rub their nutsack on my face just to keep happy a bit. I need to find their names dude and get some one on one, the stories of others, not just boring college people. all the same shit, REAL people living at 48 working at fucking kfc in the kitchen. Now thats the guy I want to talk to. Women. If my dick never got hard for women, I'd probably like less of them. fair statement, would go both ways. I like their... emotions, fuck its hard to differentiate when your dick in your brain spazies out when you try think about a girl man im fucking neutring you dude nah im not chill my .... no, racism is... it can be funny if it isnt bullying, like joking amongst buddies. Taking the shit outta each other. Im watching some korean lol streamer called Rush, and he keeps calling americans fatty burger faces. Now thats funny, im uk and im shit teeth yellow and drink tea, but from scotland too so im a ginger FREEEEEEEEDDOOOOMMMMM intoxicated drunk Irish singing partners grandad. But women,, fuckkk. Guys are funnier dude, I laugh and joke so make dudes. Some women are out of this word funny, but they aint the comedians on tv they are real life Holemies. I added the girl my sister works with right, if thats you then go ahead message me btch but Im not going long term I do not believe in it humans are fleeting energy dancing between chaos and order and chaos and order cannot fucking stay together especially my parents man. I cant even remember them fighting but im so sure i used to cover my ears with my pillow to hear them stfu. I told my dad about my mums over abusive behaviour, he says stuff like western daddy dad, chin up, look after your mum she doesnt mean it, sticks and stones (I want to puke at that sht, id rather get my arm broken than this suffering of my soul if feels like im not alive or dead but again in the middle, suborbatory or some sht whatever that christmas thing is. I want some homies to talk to, and hollies. Im white so i dont get black culture too much i dont listen to rap music except nicki minaj she is best rapper. Anyway, Queen were a great band but Coldplay I fucking loved dude. Their first album, sends me away from my pains and merges with the pain of everyone feeling the same frequency of pain and says "its ok to feel this, we are here together, you are not alone, you can calm down your nervous system" where as my body now is like fuck you this is my nervous system bitch overclock this son of a gun lets go fucking nuts. Ofc this is the id that Frued refers to in his psychotherapy works, the id, subconscious and conscious. My central nervous system is like... fried man. Fucking might as well be a chicken at least id be tastier. Like wtf man i have to take an ssri, a newly invented drug to not kill myself? What would I have done 100 years ago? Fucking, I'd probably have killed myself or alcoholic. My mums Dad was alcoholic, died from liver alcohol damage. My mums brother was a heroin addict, died 6 months after his mum died (my mums mum, my gran, blood relative). My poor mum. My poor uncle. Heroin man, he got into weed at 12 and then into heroin just naw fuck society. I'm on a razors edge between the same fate. Tried Codeine I hate that warm euphorice hazy sht it reminds me of Breaking Bad scene floating and sht and hell naw I prefer benzos but that sht meant to be worse than heroin withdrawal. going to get off them soon when I get back into meditation. I tried self medicating in Novermber after I asked a Psychiatrist twice for help, twice 2 years ago, plenty of GPs. I respect benzos are dangerous, I havent withdrawn from any yet just some etizolam and vals to help that rollercoaster of xanax (never used) style ups and downs with th short half life. Met a guy on the bus the day before I quit KFC. was going to hospital with 30 vals for her. He said "I bet you think im just some annoying cunt hurry the fk up and stfu get out my way". I looked him dead in the eye (I was on a bit of Etiz tbh so that helped me not freak out) and said "I see everyone as the same". His face paused, eyes locked on me, expressionless. I wonder if anyone had ever told this man he is loved. He looked fucked up by drugs. Ive stopped teh description cus as I said internet is aplace of everyone and maybe drug kings reading this sht like yeah boy i got a new homie to smack up, so hell naw I want to work for Jessie Pinkman tho that crew was sound (Glasgowegian term: Sound = cool = No problemo = Love thy neighbour). Id watch that show again just the drama is fucking booorrrinnggg second time walters wife and my hatred for women man fuck me it gets toastie in my nervous system it wants to fucking flying of the face of the earth to fucking Neptune to cool down a bit. Dude im pretty sober now, this is just insomnia and my autismo mind. Im sorta high IQ, my mom says im pretty. My dad says im smart. My friend says im funny. Some girl says im so big, girls, thats a compliment we want to here man our fucking chimp brain implodes and we feel like Zues pounding the mother earth (my greek mythology sucks sorry if it sucks reference). I'd like to hug a girl, sure whatever sex is great but not without complications, id like to share silently, explore, meditate, just fucking be without wanting something all the timee. But where are these girls, and where the fuck is my self-esteem dude gimmie dat back dats mine bro. I feel my mom took my self-esteem, crushed my soul with her black heart and death vibes with her postnatal depression, furthter depression, chronic anxiety and just taking that shit out on your kids is shit. I got into trouble at school a lot, wait sht, talk about women again. boobs are nice, bagina is nice, butt nice, leg, feet, hand, neck, head, hair, only bit women i dont like i probably her poops and her brain. But thats not fair just a quick joke man, shes a man-eater look out boy here she comes. What the fuck did she do to me. I've always been shy, sensitive I think, but, just, crushed in confidence. I loved my dad so much I didnt want anything in my life to harm him. My mum..... she told me she bottle fed me cus breast feeding too sore, dont know significance but I understand. Again I forgive my mother for everything her childhood sounds shit, alcholic dad never home, emotionally abusive mom with .. having a fag lads. Dont smoke just during high stress cus i dont get addicted and confident i can quit, quit job at kfc cus bully managers, girls im a steal come get me. Actually dont im scared of you all i know the potential for girls to get into my emotional "heart" and wreck it ralph for funsies, well not funsies its fantasy acted out in reality unfortunately of suffering. Dude ive had dreams of cutting dead bodies up for art like on Dexter, necrophelia, stupid fucking freudian big fucking black trains cus i went on 4chan al last summer and always blacked pictures fuck that site its funny tho seen a random soldier steal a tank like on gta never for reported to national news dont think but was unreal. he was drunk he was just trollin bro, lighten up usa. fucking, soldiers. I wont say much. I dont know if the deep cia etc really care about da normie or da autismo internetster or just care about his/her paycheck cocaine and probably lighting up a jay. I mean how can a deep state person start a family, its suicicde dude. We all the same family. if earth blows up, we reconnect with the univerese. the tragedy of self-conscoius life ends. something else happens. If I have a family holy shit id love my kids so much it would hurt me, i might e ven suduko cus of current mental illness in future relapse, or wife is like my mom in which case i fucking take several lines of cocaine, go strippers, shit what else you do in gta, fucking dirt bike to top of mountain and jump off and glide, steal a plane with a horse with no name and 9/11 into home street to say what up to my mates. See I fucking, well, i didtched all my homies i grew up with. most of them got into hard drugs, my best mate is now blind, blinded by his gf smacking him with a phone into a coma. i fucking seen him in the indian shop the other day, i was in there with him. he didnt know i was there. I didnt talk to him. That cunt bullied the shit out of me when younger, maybe my mum fucked up but this guy took out my butt plug and shoved it somwhere nasty like... clintons pussie? yikes. dude politics is fucking something man, this timeline, putin, trump, brexit, shit is suck tho so much suffering. so so much. If I talk shit for 28000 words then come to this realisation then its worth to me man, its a shit truth tho. life is suffering. #on lsd, i felt for 30 mins at the peak of the trip in a place of no where. i didnt feel anything inside me, no soul etc. ~I was like "go get some water" and then the body was like "why dude" and so I just stood bent over in one position for 30 mins my legs in pain but again my brain say "im in pain bro quick gimme some luba luba from yo moma" but I just accepted it and stayed silent, still, present, eckhart tolle id take his dick. buddhas too i tihnk althought probably lot of shit going on in tibet with gangs and that sht he has to support or help i dont know. hey cia, mk ultra only read a little bit but you wanted to use them on soldiers in war like nam? cod world at war/black ops 1 story was fucking cool man mason the numbers reminded of mk ultra like shit. good story line. Im mentally ill so I could be getting sent 5g signals to fuck me up oh shit dont say it noo immmmmm gooinnggggggggg....... hitler? why are you in heaven? Like dude I know you had mother issues like me, you wanted to be artist and you werent good enoughs o shit dude, i seen ur paintings and they were good i thought, keep your head up. I know your dead and shit but we are all fucking one. Im no nazi, no isis, no anarchist, shit what am I. Awakened? Spiritually? Do girls dig that sht? Its a pretty painful experience like it aint pretty realising time is eternity and always now and everything else in mind is an illusion, perhaps consciousness itself. I mean as long as I get sex tho right. High give my bros... chap ... chap ... Are you Mr Blue? why yes and you are? Im mr going to round house kick you into your mirror cus you knocked my daughter up. wel sheet the condom just kill it man its no fun get abortion. Is abortion bad though, like really. I dont think so. I kill life everyday by being alive. organisms die in my bodies defence. whatever idc. Suicide though, like what the fuck. I mean im doing alright just now i suppose, cant complain (3000 word complaint btw)said to my therapist suicide should be allowed, its not fair on the patient.Why do people have to stay alive, there is nothing in meditation or in the state i felt in lsd that said life is a must. On that LSD dude, I tried to move but either my mind said or I realised "I dont have to mve" but I was like dude lets go lets take a piss man and my conscoiusness was like like "no, you watch this, shut up, learn, just, be". So I did that and I grew from it. being in pain and being alright? Pain an illusion? So many less medications. I want my brain back dude. Most people I was competing with in my classes went on to get degrees and are doctors, laywers, sceintists and Im fucking, worked in mcdonalds could keep it down, kfc twice nope, deliver china man food nope, help old women with their shits and food no that was too hard but most rewarding. cex was alright just bully manager was a bint although, w.e. I want to play teemo jungle man. I want to level 2/3/4 gank all lanes with red buff and smite, spam laugh, raise emote and mastery. I also want to say.Space. Everything. Emotions. People. Just breathe.. All we know for sure is our most ancient know and this is of breath, maybe. shit i need some meds or somethin getting bit dizzy. sht what is it.diazepam i think just 5mg should do.its only 10am//// what the fuck. I mean ill take 5mg of valium sure but kinda sucks seems like a sorta intense w.d. Pregabalin was interesting, good and bad. good it fucking works mate if you like Phenibut then this will give you some extra resilience that according to Jordan Peterson you would have if you didnt get shat on your whole like mentally. Mums job to raise childs mental. She should of protected me ebtter. Now I play childrens video game, over 6660 hours. 900$ down. free game, how did fiddle even lose. WTF is the toxicity in this game im feeling anxious, I used like 3mg etizolam like 10 hours ago so hey its probably that, i take so valium or some etiz or that drug clonazepam i got to stop spasms in my sleep. Dude meditation when you get into it is better than any drug. Its just getting past the point of using drugs to get by man. Fucking vision if fucking up man like i close my eyes open then room spins. Alcohol does that, maybe gaba drug, prob etiz couple hours to go for pregabalin, shit this sucks. dude i better not be illt or osme sht. i feel like sht, but since that lsd i well...,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, im fucking nodding dude. i had 3 cups coffe 2 modafinil. Fucking etizolam this is what i mean it can fuck u up 2 weeks use not even every day max dose 8mg a day. I got etiz for Insomnia! actually relevent! I kept going into work with no sleep staying up 30 hours + before start shift etc. 2 secs my face burning up dont run out of benzos kids. Cool took 5mg diazepam, you know dude if my post gets deleted ill be pissed, but at least if a mod can read ill will feel better, say something gay like "chin up bud" or "its ok man, Ill come over to your house and give u the giraffe, i know your not gay but you said butthole pleasure (gta vice city, radio right? Listen to gta radio now folks, playing the game tho is kinda, dude it pretty bad) Im fucking pissed at games nowadays man. Microtransactions and loots, fucking dlcs, season passes, give me a full fucking game like I used to get with the customisation built in and not all about graphics ok man? GTA4 story was great and the airport was so much fun on multiplayer, I watched DansGaming and Forsen on twitch.tv play gta4 again and as an adult and like 10 years old that sht was still releveant and entertaining as fk. really shows you with gta5. the fuck was that game dude. im driving around with sweet graphics jumping into army base to steal a jet, get out, get jumbo plain fly about, hey cool. The story tho? I like the white mafia guy aigh? He goes to see a therapist or something, probably court ordered right unlike myself *tips Benadryl* or some insomnia meme I dont want cringe shit Im from twitch chat 7 years running dude i know my shit never modded either i suck no ones dick but my own once just the tip it was aight just fleshy and warm. Oh dude I think that etizolam w.d is going away man. that sht was like getting into a pretty bad lsd trip. fucking vision darting around, like when your really, really REALLY drunk and your vision keeps fucking going up and down like yoyo and its funny as fuck but scary as hell. Yeh, that shit, bright lights sucked and headache. Only reason I got benzo as i was saying, and its Etizolam, was because of working. I have chronic insomnia lads/laddetes/oneness/future hot gamer gf who is turned on by my autism means wtf is wrong with her fucking run it sthe cia knock knock motha fucka I gonna wreck ur house and steal your lidl pc to find you bought a fucking dildo. Hmm. I wonder if sex toys in the uk especially will remain legal. Auto women are becoming a thing, they have to be banned, absolutely. Im fucking mi5.mi6 and my population dont need the drama and mindless stress and pain that keeps them confused and wagecucking to pay for the worlds shitty karma. I wanted to join raf man as pilot. dad got me a shitty laptop from work for peanuts (very cheap uk slang) and i went to game shop, 3 pc games for 10 pound jismed man. Theme hopsital, flight simulator 98, the sims. Throw in age of empires 2 man I back in the late 90s, friends still on, charlie sheen no melt down yet, no 9/11. I typed some sht man but need to tidy and smarten up a bit or some paramedic gonna come. I want a hooker man. I need some pussy. I dont need just really want on biological need level. constant incessant noise in my head (grab her by pussy) oh sht im definitely banned from reddit now no pls not back to 4chan and pol/r9k its fucking exhausting getting by all the shills and tribalism. On that, what the fuck are we all thinking. Immigration at level never seen. Total culture shift in 1 generation. Once white dudes stop going to football and get all tribal on peoples ass theres gonna be gangs popping up. I mean there already is drugs gangs from asia and rape/child sht from middle east north africa right? I dont know what to say about that. Dude insomnia is a killer illness literally. Look at my delerium, well most just excess mumbling autismo (no sure reddit is ok with calling anything stupid anything other than "stupid" which is double standard, stupid people arent stupid by choice, its discriminatory and we have a duty to look after stupid people). Some people think of masterrace of high IQ, I mean like, skt want 5 fakers, argentina want 11 messies even in goal that dude run up the post overhead kick from the bar to save penalty. I said i took 5mg valium right?hmm. I have been up for 3 days, typing like a true autismo right now. My mom even asked if I thought I might be autstic last year, I mean I understand her concern, but that fact she caused the majority of my psychological damage, well her, Chris, Dad wasn't perfect he got scary and sectarian and I want to see him actually, need to get my benzo right can be having fucking shitty lsd trip at 10am 8-9 hours after dropping about 4 mg etizolam, kindling perhaps. Phenibut is suchan awesome substance, Phenibut, Caffeine, (no order) Modafinil, and Pregabalin dude. I was meditating (just breath concentration focus meditation on breath no gomba stomp awoooa throat swallowing shit and while I noticed little to no changes over the month, when I stopped, dude I fucking felt psychotic the thoughts just coming in like whot he fuk you think you are my mother? who didnt respect my personal boundaries as a child treating me as a secondary human being rather than an actual person. Fuck man. Life. Its not her fault. She had her own trauma. Now her son is using benzos to try fucking manage mama mia! Anyway pregs was good to 450mg for a few weeks when i was meditation, my back started to like give up in strength and my body jolted away, this was super intrusive to my meditation and triggered me. I wanted to get back down to 300mg or 150mg but as soon as I started dropping the dosage my sleep went to shit and I already had insomniai so that was fucking fun jesus. Got etiz to make sure, twice a week , i can get some fucking sleep fo im not up for 80 hours working 3./4 shifts. Alas, feel kinda memory fucked after etiz and foggy, might be better just stayin up. Phenibut, coffee, modafinil, paracetamol, ibuprofen, propranolol. Great kit for you to have to do stuff when you get no sleep. Also working twice a week, Phenibut gains no tolerance used twice a week and no more vast majority of people. So you take that befoer you sleep and you wake up ready to go to work regardless of shit mood and sleep. Gonna smoke some, play some teemo jungle idk man,60-70 hours awake. Add me on reddit xxxx

I am writing this at 9 am, and do not feel tired, for any indicators of how crappy this has gotten. Ever since I was a kid I've struggled with insomnia, much to the dismay of adults around me. Melatonin didn't help then, and I would usually lay awake daydreaming for hours. I don't consume caffeine, sleepytime teas don't seem to have an effect on me. Sleep meds Fucked Me Up. I use blue light filters on every device that has the option 24/7 (I even installed a blue light filter even more intense than the default on my phone), my glasses have blue light protection, and I have noticeably tinted blue light protection glasses for when I'm in bed and don't need my prescriptions. Frankly CBD didn't seem to do anything for me (I didn't feel any effect), but I would be open to trying it again, I suppose. If I go to try to sleep without feeling tired I will just lay there for hours, and getting up to do something for a bit and coming back does not historically work. Any reading or podcasts that are interesting enough to will myself to do are too interesting for me to doze off and are just as addicting as anything on my phone. I will daydream if I listen to music. Every once in a while I get to sleep at maybe 1 am, but it's rare. I was considering trying melatonin again, as I'd heard your body responds differently as an adult, so maybe it would work this time- but the antidepressant I was recently prescribed is an SSRI which can interact negatively. I have even tried hard-resetting my schedule a few times, but staying up like 21-24 hours does not cause any long lasting change. As of late, I've been getting sounder sleep, going like 3 hours between waking up, but I have had month long stints of only getting maybe 45 minutes of sleep at a time. I have to have room darkening blinds, an eye mask, and ear plugs in order to get remotely sound sleep. Temperature and blanket weight is a factor too (I use a weighted blanket with a cool and warm side, but about halfway through the night it will keep me up if I stay under it from understimulation or something). My sleep schedule has gotten worse and worse. It was staying up til 2 for a few years starting my senior year, then 4. It shifted to regularly 6-7 am around when that climate change report came out and it fucked me up so bad due to that being a big phobia trigger, and was not able to shift back once I was able to re-settle. Sometimes up til 10-11, but not as often. Now with the virus and being furloughed, any semblance of a schedule with seeing my partner or going to work is out the window and I'm regularly getting sleep at 8 or 9 am. My choices are to get like 3-4 hours of sleep or try hard-resetting again. Also I acknowledge that anxiety can be a trigger, and I do have anxiety medication, but can't use it consistently as finding a decent psychiatrist has been hell and the one I had that didn't "not believe" in prescribing anxiety medication or view me as drug seeking was absolutely awful in an entirely different regard. Hell, my primary physician halved my dosing without telling me for fear of me being "too dependent" despite making my bottle of a month's worth last since last July. I feel at the end of my rope and this makes me feel worse than any depression. I don't know what to do and am tired of it getting worse and worse but nothing seems to help. I am at wit's end and just again really don't know what to do and this all feels so bad but I'm entirely lost and just getting repetitive. Sorry this is long, I'm just... really going through it and don't know where to turn.

First off it's subq, your body picks it up into the bloodstream so site injection means nothing. Second you have several side effects from this. I'm speaking from experience. Bpc can effect people with anxiety and depression or ptsd bad. Start with a low amount of this if you plan on taking it and work up. Yes it does work and is a great thing but anxiety, depression, blurred vision, slight mood changes, headaches, etc is what I personally experience at 500 mcg a day so I lowered to half and still felt some of the effects. Definitely start low please, because panic attacks can happen from the energy you get

First off it's subq, your body picks it up into the bloodstream so site injection means nothing. Second you have several side effects from this. I'm speaking from experience. Bpc can effect people with anxiety and depression or ptsd bad. Start with a low amount of this if you plan on taking it and work up. Yes it does work and is a great thing but anxiety, depression, blurred vision, slight mood changes, headaches, etc is what I personally experience at 500 mcg a day so I lowered to half and still felt some of the effects. Definitely start low please, because panic attacks can happen from the energy you get

I started having severe panic attacks 2 weeks into BPC and TB500- started digging into it and see it could be related to BPC’s effect on Nitric Oxide, has anyone else had this experience?

500mcg of BPC-157 oral (Infiniwell brand) use for a week gave me the worst anxiety, bloating, headaches, and gut pain of my entire life, about a week ago. It’s been a week since I stopped and I have not fully recovered yet. I’m not saying it’s bad for everyone, microbiomes are unique, and perhaps subQ would have been different—but just throwing it out there, that I’ve never regretted ingesting a substance more.

I used cannabis nonstop since my accident, like 8yrs ago now. Did wonders for chronic pain and the anxiety association with it (esp since they basically don’t prescribe opioids anymore). But turns out I’ve got Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome, which makes you puke your guts out nonstop until you go to the hospital. Basically became a necessary evil and was still better than life without cannabis, so I kept going. But apparently it gets worse every episode and I went into full kidney failure, almost died. Was sent to a better-equipped hospital via helicopter so I guess they weren’t kidding. Was a super fun ride though. Anyways, I’ve been cannabis-free for about a year now. The first few months SUCK. Had crazy bad insomnia, pain got much worse, anxiety totally unmanageable. But it slowly gets better. It took about three months for me to level out, so unfortunately you may have a ways to go. Hang in there, it does get better. But if you don’t have CHS and are only quitting for a job, maybe consider working somewhere else if it really helps you. Things kinda level out eventually but there’s no real replacement, so you’ve def gotta weight the pros/cons.

The title and this story may sound fake (New account to hopefully protect my identity), but I swear to you it could not be more real for me. I wanted to share this, I am not doing this for attention but merely to seek help. More questions will be asked at the end of my story. As the title describes, a miracle has occurred given the severity and intent of the crash. The paramedics, police, doctors, nurses and my parents all gave me the most puzzled look of their lives when they asked how fast I was going, and I replied "200 km/h". I have been depressed for 4 years now. Nothing has been working and my mental health has declined terribly. I have been on multiple medications, tried behavioural therapy such as cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT), and even went a course of Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). First my motivation to do anything went down; I couldn't eat, do school work and most importantly, socialize. My social circle grew smaller as my depression grew bigger, after 4 years of suffering as well as other health conditions such as horrible eyesight (+10.00 in each eye with astigmatism), sleep apnea and anxiety, I figured life wasn't going to get any better and I decided to end my life. I drove to the mountains where I decided I would find a large hill, go full speed down it and either turn into the median or drive off the road, ultimately killing myself. About 3 hours from my hometown I found the perfect hill, The road was steep, perfect for gaining speed to ensure a fatal crash. Without thinking too much (I would just talk myself out and not commit), I pulled a U-turn and drove to the hill which was about 5 minutes after that point. They say your life flashes before your eyes, mine played back to me for those 5 minutes. The most important people and influential moments of my life appeared before my eyes. They suddenly disappeared as I approached my chosen hill. My foot automatically floored the gas pedal, I placed my left foot behind the brake so I wouldn't back out. I raced down the hill, gaining more and more speed, by the time I reached the bottom, my car (which only has a speedometer for up to 200 km/h. I saw the road start to bend and I jerked my wheel into the opposite direction of the turn, slamming the front end of the car into the median. That was the last thing I remembered before waking up in my car, with tapping on the window from bystanders. All I could think to myself at that moment was "wow, I so much of a failure I can't even kill myself". A bystander described to the paramedics and police that I hit the median, did about 10 spins (no flips) and then continued to scrape median down the hill for another 250m. I got a glimpse of my car before I was taken away in an ambulance, it was completely destroyed. When I arrived to the hospital I was placed in the trauma room however, the doctor was incredibly surprised after seeing me sitting upright with consciousness after a 200 km/h car accident. He assessed me and ordered a full-body CT scan. The results came back clean, no bleeding, no broken bones and most importantly, no death. He then admitted me to the psychiatry ward (which I won't get into on this post but it was a nightmare!!!). The everyone's surprise I was barely injured, walking away with a concussion with memory loss at most. This phrase really stuck in my mind because nearly every person I have talked to so far has said: "It's a miracle you're alive". I'm not religious, but I agree, it is a miracle I'm alive, and I"m not going to waste it. I'm begging for help because I know this community loves to help people when they reach out. I really want to try and beat my depression but I don't know how. I have tried CBT, I'm going BACK to ECT for another round of treatment and I'm on increased medication. I will be seeing counsellors and psychiatrists, however thanks to Canadian healthcare not until 2020 (which is one of the reasons I decided to end it, due to lack of resources). If anyone out there has any tips on how to manage severe depression and anxiety please let me know. I'm still alive today despite the severity of the crash, and I believe it's a sign that I need to conquer this depression and do something great with my life. I am tired of laying at home, with no energy and no motivation, wasting away my life every day with my depression. I can personally say even those who are suiciding don't want to die, they merely just want to stop existing. Please help with any advice you have, I'm begging for my life to change, please. I am trying my best to push past my depression and suicidal thinking so I can give life another try. Here are a list of specific questions that would benefit a lot: \-How do I keep up my motivation despite having no energy all the time? \-How can I keep up or have more energy? \-I'm thinking of going back to school for Nursing, my current position (lab tech) doesn't feel fulfilling and I'm looking for something more. Is nursing school a good idea or will that just make my life more stressful?) \-What are some habits I could do to alleviate my depression \-Any secret self-help/feel good tips? \-How do I make more friends and build a better support network? \-What do I tell to my friends who have noticed I just "disappeared" for a few days? ​ Thanks to those who took the time to read this post, I usually get little to no reads on Reddit but I thought I'd share this anyway since not many people can say they survived a 200 km/h automobile suicide attempt and walked out with minor injuries. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. Edit: more questions Edit 2: Thank you, everyone, for taking the time to write to me. I truly didn't believe this would reach this many people. I will try and reply/read everyones post but I am still in the process of seeing a lot of specialists. But I am truly grateful for all the love and support that has been sent my way. Thank you, I will make you all proud and try my best to implement all of the tips into my life.

Hey there I’m a 27 year old woman ivbeen struggling with depression self hate and anxiety as long as I can remember literally. From a young age my dad didn’t care about my feelings or mental health so I was never able to get help. ( all iv ever wanted is him to be proud of me) I was bully’s at school but that was life it was at home with his family that the bullying hurt the most I was always compared to my little sister Dayly I was fat and dumb and weak and a baby. But I was always a good kid I mean all kids make mistakes but by grade 3 I was packing me and my sisters lunch’s by choice so my mom could rest (she worked shift work it was hard on her) and never asked for much never threw tantrums I always said yes and all I ever wanted was to make my parents and other adult family members happy that became who I was my baby sister was born right before I turned 11 with in months I was babysitting (her first words and steps were with me when my parents where at soft ball) cooking for the family and by my dad blamed when ever anything happened do to my sisters if they drew on the wall it was wtf Elizabeth why wernt you watching them clean it up now ffs even thou he was downstairs gameing.along with house chores if I forgot to do the dishwasher and he came home to me, unloading it he would unload on me. When I was 12 years old I got mono I got diagnosed with strep throat 3 or so times because the meds never worked for more then 2 weeks. Before they finally found out it was mono. Because it went undiagnosed for so long and my dad told me that I was just lazy and needed to get up do more so I tryed . My body started to shut down. I ended up out of school for two months because I slept 23 hours a day only able to be awake for 10 mins at a time be for passing back out completely I stopped eating because I physically couldn’t. There was a big golf ball size lump in my throat that hurt notably . I lost so much weight. It was crazy. Then I remember the first day I could eat in 2 weeks I made a bowl of soup and I ate it in my parents bedroom by the TV in the bed. My mom made me because I was so sick and I passed back out My dad came home that day and instead of being happy that I could eat for the first time in a week. He woke me up screaming at me and told me to get my lazy ass up and clean up… that was the first time I wanted to kill myself I didn’t wanna live anymore. I was barely able to stay awake for more than 30 mins at this point my dad didn’t care he didn’t care that I was on my deathbed. He didn’t care that I finally could eat nothing just that I was lazy….. my mom came home just in time to stop me she never knew but I knew if she hadn’t come home when she had I was about yo try and end my life. After that I think part of me knew my dad would never love me like I had always hoped I could make him so I just did what I could to keep him happy and not provoke him. My mom was such a loving woman she always tryed to be there for me and help me with my feelings but she never understood me I am an extremely emotional person truly but she tryed to stand up for me once she started to see it ……. Every time she did they’d fight hed make her sleep on the couch call her horable names loud enough for the neighbours to hear it Iwas 14 I remember praying night after night that he’d leave and not come back I was a dumb child sick of being scared well my wish came true just befor I turned 15 he packed his things and left… I regreted ever prayed for it it hurt my mom and sisters so much and even myself I hated how he treated me but he was my dad and I loved him so much he started dateing a crazy jail gaurd and I mean a freaking nut case who treated her kids like pons telling her kids to tell me I should move in with them it was messed up. A few months after they broke up we had a vist planed I was actually existed and we went to his best friends house for dinner to do the exchange there….. my dad never came to get us his girlfriend went to Calgary with some fiends and decided she wasn’t willing to stay the night there with them so she demanded my dad come get her and he did….. he left her not long after because my dad found out a lot of her lies but that couldn’t take away the pain of her meaning more to him in that moment I need my dad during this time my mom went crazy to she knows it and has apologized many many times. But she wasn’t there I became the mom in my house at 15 years old there were days where I had to call around to find her so that I wasn’t late for work because I couldn’t leave my sister’s home alone. one time I woke up and her boyfriend was staring at me sleeping on the couch making comments about how I don’t look 15 witch was scary It took a while for my mom to get better but she did and I remember being more like friends after that I rarly saw my dad for the rest of my teen years mostly big family things he never asked me to see him and he lived with my grandmother and aunt who were very mean to me as a child so I just didn’t ask to go there. At 16 I was able to drink with family and close friends and my parents had a mutual for me my dad’s best grind since like 12….. this man would get me drunk on perpose the. Start unloading any negitive thing my dad had said about me to me it would brake my heart every time then he’d sit there and tell me he loved me and he knew I was a great young woman how beutiful I was he groomed me by useing my fathers words agest me and convincing me he loved me he took advantage of me while drunk once then by stoping the car in the middle of nowhere during driving lessons . When I was 17 I was struggling bad at my school with bullying from students and teacher I couldn’t go more then 2 days with out a cold sore out brake it was just bad i was working pretty steady by this point and I asked. My mom to let me drop out for the rest of the year and start new at a difrent school the next year to finish my grade 12 ……. Well my dad came by to talk about this decision we had made he flipped and made it very clear I was just making up excuses and that he knew I’d never graduate I went back I worked a lot and made sure I got good grades I graduated when I said I would …. But no one seamed to care or belive me I never had a Grad my mom was stretched so thin I never let her take on more for me if I could help it (at16 I was told I need a tooth moved from the roof of my mouth it would take surgery and braces and I told the dr I’d never let her do it I refuse to get braces she either cut it out or leave it but I will never let them fix it) so the expenses of grad where somthing I could not bear puting on her and my dad never asked or even believed I would so I just went with out…… After everyone I went to school with had grad I was so sad so I asked my parents if we could have a fancy dinner to celebrate just us adults I was 18 by now (I’m the oldest in the family all around for my generation) they agreed my dad asked if he could bring his girl friend I agreed the day the dinner came he showed up with his girlfriend and her daughter who is a year younger then me she was always perfect I felt like I had been slapped in the face All I asked was for oneMoment to be about me being good enough and instead he payed more attention to his gf and her daughter then his little girl siting right in frount of him. To this day my dad seems to barely be able to look at me and it kills me I’m not successful at all and I know that i have made a lot of back choices when it come to love and work but iv always been a good person. Kind respectful loving ………. Idk if I’ll ever be able to make my dad proud I know he loves my kids but I feel like he can only tolerate me for the sake of seeing them. I’m know I’m a very emotional person and that I am to nice iv been walked all over stollen from and cut down by many people I trusted in life but I always. back to him to my dad the man that was supost to love me unconditionally the one who was supost to protect me it feels like all iv ever been to him is a disappointment I know I can’t change anything about it but I need to let some of this one I can’t stop thinking about how little I seemed to mean to him and how broken it left me over the years

I’m 21, and some may say this age, is the best life gets. If that’s the case then I don’t want to live another day. Where I am mentally right now, is the WORST I have ever felt. There is no joy left in life anymore. Since was 16 or so, my mental health has been deteriorating rapidly, every single fucking thing makes me anxious now, I get so irritable and angry, it’s exhausting. All this anxiety, self loathing and pure hatred of this awful planet we live on leaves me absolutely fucking hopeless and at the end of my rope, with depression and the lowest my self esteem has ever been. There is so much pain to go through if I live to old age. More heartbreak, the loss of loved ones, financial hardship, ect, ect.. If I’m feeling this awful now when I’m not dealing with most of this, how the fuck will I cope in later life when the going actually gets tough, and isn’t all in my broken brain? Suicide sounds like the best option right now. All of this just ending, the anxiety, the pure dread and fucking sadness that owns my life just going away forever is a lovely thought. However, I couldn’t dare do that to my family or the other couple of people in my life who would mourn me. The pain I’d pass on, the blaming of themselves for not knowing what I was going through or feeling that they didn’t do enough, there’s no way man. So I guess that’s it then. Stuck here, in this body, with this fucked up mind, this disgusting shell of a person. I never asked to be alive man. Fuck this.

I genuinely don't know how to feel anymore. Thus, there were years of social isolation, loneliness, pain, anguish. So many bad feelings, and so many bad habits. I reached a plateau, I can no longer feel anything extraordinary. I stopped being able to be natural, I'm broken. My entire adolescence was surrounded by depressive episodes, always during school holidays. My ADHD along with my depression didn't allow me to build a routine. In other words, whenever the holidays arrived, I went into chaos. I didn't know what to do, so I stopped doing it. It was a slow evolution, it was four years of depression. Going from mild symptoms to a suicide attempt. So, in the first year I was very happy, I laughed every day at school, and said I was unbeatable (I was young). Everything was going well until the school holidays arrived. Isolation began, and symptoms emerged. I started to feel anxiety, I stopped sleeping well, I started eating compulsively, I was surrounded by bad thoughts, but I was still "fine". That was the first year, the happy young man, who said he was unbeatable, was still happy with his friends. In the second year, everything changed. The year-end holidays were heavy, I went through an introspective period, I was so alone that I started talking to myself, a habit I still have today. It was there that my sleep disappeared, I had chronic insomnia, and that I lost control of my diet, and ended up losing myself in the abyss of pornography. When the holidays were over, and classes started again, I realized: I'm not unbeatable. This was a year of nightly tears, compulsive masturbation, and pain. But even so, I was still functional, I was "happy" (when I was at school) The happy and unbeatable boy became a young man in pain. The third year was the most complex, the holidays were good, somewhat surprising. I managed to go to the gym, control my diet, and with the help of natural medicines, I started to sleep reasonably well. I was evolving. But a meteor fell in my life, the damn bullying. I was always extroverted, I liked to talk, I was agitated, I talked nonsense and made everyone laugh. But this group was different, they were tough. At first, I managed to fit in, I was making friends, and doing well. But a joke began, offending the other person's mother, something unforgivable in Brazil. I participated in this, always getting into discussions. But I didn't like it, so I stopped, I decided to stop offending other people's mothers. But they didn't stop, they continued cursing my mother every day, the worst things possible. Every day I had to listen to those bastards cursing me, I had anxiety attacks at school, and they laughed. I told the teachers, and they did nothing. With that, my habits turned to dust, I stopped everything. And I went back to a failed routine, I entered the worst abyss, shame. I stopped going to school, it was too painful. But I had to go, I couldn't repeat the year. I hated it, it was hellish. I was weak, I was afraid. Once, I came to the conclusion, I'm a cockroach. After all, I had to watch OTHER PEOPLE defend my mother. I, WHO AM HER SON, failed to protect her honor. I felt disgusted by it, and along with my pornographic compulsion, I started to hate myself. I was disgusting, ugly, strange, and evil. The intrusive thoughts hurt, every day I had crises of thoughts, disgusting things that even involved children. It was horrible. Regarding the bullying, he stopped, after all I had courage and listened to my friend, and attacked those idiots. I left my eye black. It was ridiculous, I was so much bigger, wider, stronger. I let a skinny guy bully me. The happy boy became a monster. In fourth year, I surprisingly got off to one of the best starts. I went back to the gym, I was sleeping well naturally, I was taking care of myself. And I adopted a dog, now I had a reason to get up every day. I had responsibilities. I made new friends, I joined a student union, I was participating for the first time. The first semester was great, everything was going well. Until the damn vacation starts. My routine fell apart, my binge eating returned, my intrusive thoughts and pornography consumption skyrocketed. I went back to rock bottom. And this time, there was an extra trigger. My father, a complicated man who suffers from alcoholism, spent the entire vacation terrorizing my life. He was unbearable, it's hard to say that, but at that moment I hated him (I love him). With his many health problems, my father had several medications. And that's where it all went wrong. I started taking muscle relaxants, I wanted to alleviate this hell, I didn't want to be awake. I took several sleeping pills, I couldn't stand being awake. My little dog? I left it aside. I abandoned the being who loves me most, my only responsibility. I continued this habit of abusing medications, as long as I had relaxants, I would be taking them. But they ran out, and I couldn't stand being awake, so I started taking cocktails of different medications. A chemical punishment, and along with that, came self-flagellation. I started cutting myself every day. And I started giving myself whiplash, I wanted to pay for my sins with pain. I saw myself as a perverse monster, I was disgusting, I thought absurd things. I wanted to punish myself. The chemical escalation continued, I took several medications, felt sick every day, and cried nonstop. I was destroying myself. Until what started with two relaxant pills became forty-six pills, so many medications. I coldly researched how to die, I wanted to feel the worst. So I took a massive load of statins. I wanted to have rhabdomyolysis, I wanted to suffer. I did this, and I started having an absurd panic attack. I was confused, I went into crisis, it was a duel. While looking at a portrait of the happy boy I once was, looking at the love my dog ​​had for me. I started crying without stopping, I told my mother about the accident, and she took me to a hospital, I was washed and managed to survive. This suicide attempt changed my mind, something blossomed in me: love for life. I looked at my old photos and said, you don't deserve it. I can't carry everything alone, so many traumas, I don't even remember my shitty childhood, it's all a blur. I talked to my parents, and I unburdened myself, in the most raw way possible, I described my demons. I told my father to his face, about him having destroyed my life, and that I'm only here because of him. I regret these sentences, my father suffers like me, there are no culprits, only victims. A son sick from loneliness, and a father sick from the past. One sought help with punishment, another with alcohol. I went to therapy, I started this process. It was really good, I could tell everything, it was wonderful to be honest. I got a recommendation for a psychiatrist. And I started taking medication, an antidepressant, venlafaxine or effexor. This could be seen as a positive thing, but it triggered a psychosis. I lost control of my mind. I started to notice dark thoughts in my mind, it was as if they were sprouting in my brain. It didn't make sense, it was too strange. At first, I thought I was a social parasite, I never produced anything for society, I only consumed it. This thought was broken by my psychiatrist, who explained it to me simply, I am a sick young man, what should I produce? He spoke in such a raw way that it helped me. However, my mind, at the beginning of psychosis, didn't like the answer. She created another thought. I was a rotten being, I was rotten. My body was pure, but my mind and soul were completely rotten, corrupted by evil. After coming across reports about ego transcendence, I came to a distorted conclusion: the ego needed to die. I called it egocide, the death of the ego, the homicide of oneself. The thoughts became a belief. I was rotten, and I needed to kill myself. I'll explain what I was thinking. An explanation of belief. There is the body, ego and conscious motor. The body was pure, that is, my body was pure. He was totally fine, he was human. However, my ego was corrupt, I needed to eliminate the infection before it affected the body. And what would do this was the conscious motor. He is the part of the ego that believed in belief, he understood the evil that the ego did. In other words, the conscious motor, seeing the rottenness of the ego (itself, after all, the conscious motor is within the ego), decided to eliminate itself. An egocide. I planned everything, I wanted to destroy my psyche, that was the plan. So I started using illicit substances; like shoemaker's glue; delirious drugs, such as promethazine; nutmeg, to cause neurological damage, by myristicin; opioids, to cause addiction, and trigger withdrawal. It was crazy, maintaining the persona of his son in treatment, and secretly using substances. With the use of psychoactives, I decided to create a system of self-indoctrination. To summarize, I recorded dozens of heavy audios where I humiliated myself, used cruel adjectives to refer to myself, and said that my future was about pain. I can't describe the content of the audios, but it was the greatest abominations possible. I then distorted the audio, and added effects to generate echo. My goal was to indoctrinate my mind, it was literally to make my mind be attacked by damage to trust. I spent all day listening to these audios, and yes, they had an effect. It was heavy, I started listening to the audios, even without headphones. Along with these methods, I started exposing myself to gore, I started consuming gore nonstop, I wanted to destroy myself, I got to the point of masturbating while consuming it. I created a method, while using the substances, I made a seesaw with my brain. In other words, I spent two days taking the medication, and two days without taking it, to unbalance the pattern of neurotransmitters. Along with extreme sleep deprivation, and torture methods, such as spending weeks sleeping just one hour a day, and abusing caffeine. This ego death plan worked, I was slowly destroying my psyche. The delusions evolved, they reached the level where I thought I was a cosmic invader, I was a cosmic monster that invaded the earth. I killed the fetus that was in a woman's womb, and stole its body. This delusion explained my inability to relate to others, after all, I was not human, and I could not understand humans. I started to hallucinate, I saw a crack with a dark interior and white edges, it was my home, the place I came from. This whole crazy plan to destroy himself worked. I had a psychotic break. I had an identity crisis, I became a demon. I was, Ostadan, the librettist from hell. (Ostadan in ancient Persian is master of carpets. In my view, the human being is like a carpet, a myriad of lines that form identity, or the carpet) I went into aggressive thinking, I wanted to kill my family, that was the plan. I wanted to cause people pain, because I fed off of it. But first, I needed to mark myself. So I grabbed a thick handle and started to whip myself nonstop. My back was raw, marked by the lashes. Next to that I took a knife and made a cut from my shoulder to the back of my hand, a deep cut. Which caused me to bleed heavily. Fortunately, my brother came home and saw me in that state. I was admitted to the hospital, and there I received an injection of abilify and diazepam. I stayed in bed for a long time to treat the wound on my arm. And after that, I was admitted to a clinic. There I received a lot of treatment, such as therapy and medication. At the clinic I had my sleep restored, and I started doing physical exercises and trying to study different subjects. It was a fun time, over time the symptoms lessened. And after I left, my life improved. Today I am suffering from deep apathy, my life is gray. But I can be functional. I'm studying to try to go to college, I'm taking care of my dog, helping my mother, and going to the gym. I'm trying to improve my life. But in this pile of medicine, and confusion, my purpose is lost. I am a boat driver. I don't know why I'm here, but it's okay. I don't need a universal meaning. I'm just a sick man, I don't need to find a purpose that changes everything. Today, I live for my dog ​​and family. I constantly have depressive episodes, but they are short and mild. The main thing is this gray cloud that is in my life, this emptiness, this apathy. But that's okay, I've been worse. I'm twenty-two years old, I still have positive thoughts, about 60 years of life, why rush? I have all the time in the world, I am at peace, I am in harmony with myself. It's confusing, but in the midst of this apathy, there is love, and there is hope. I love myself, I'm strange, bizarre, weird. But that makes me unique, I'm a unique person, I write crazy things, I talk crazy things, I'm unique. I love myself, I'm eccentric and I like it. Today I have OCD and psychosis. And I'm investigating a possible ASPD. But we're done here. So I end this text by saying: love yourself. (Be careful with your children or siblings. They may be suffering)

Hey, this is a throwaway account because I’m too paranoid that some of my friends might recognize me. I’m female, 24, and have been bipolar for about 10 years. I wanted to ask if anyone else experiences something like this. Lately, I’ve realized that I tend to completely forget or block out things that should normally hurt or stress me out. It’s like my brain has some kind of protection mode that erases whatever is too much for me to handle. A few days ago, for example, I found out that my boyfriend had been sexting with another girl behind my back for a long time. I was angry and hurt at first, I even talked to a friend about it. But the next day it was like my brain had just deleted everything. I felt fine again, happy even, and acted as if nothing had happened. It’s not the first time this has happened, and I’m starting to feel like I’m getting used to it. But it’s not only about him. I do this with everything that stresses me — debt, problems, emotional conflicts, responsibilities. I just forget about them. Not intentionally, it’s really like my brain switches them off once they get too overwhelming. But deep down, I still have this constant feeling of stress, 24/7. It’s like my body remembers something that my mind refuses to. I can’t pinpoint why, I just always feel tense inside. In some ways, it’s nice because I don’t feel the pain as much. But at the same time, I’m scared that I’ll eventually become completely numb. I don’t want to lose my ability to feel — not sadness, but also not joy or love. Does anyone else experience this kind of emotional shutdown or dissociation? How do you learn to process things consciously without getting completely overwhelmed? I want to understand and heal from this before I go completely numb. TL;DR: I (f, 24, bipolar) tend to forget or block out everything that hurts or stresses me, even serious things like betrayal or debt. I feel normal again very quickly but have a constant underlying sense of stress that I can’t explain. I’m scared this will eventually make me emotionally numb. Does anyone else deal with this, and how do you approach it?

Hello! Tw for DV. Please help. I (21f) have been with my boyfriend (21m) and best friend for just almost a year, but known him for about 16 months. Every single day without fail since I have known him, he has been my support and we have been in contact, texting all day. I completely and fully mean it when I say every single day without fail. He ended up being dishonest about a lot towards the beginning, but I didn't find out until recently. I moved a couple hours out from my hometown to be close to him and work. Regardless, he made himself extremely extremely extremely safe for me back then even as I was very transparent about my fears of being vulnerable, being hurt, etc. and confided in him about my abandonment/attachment issues. I will not sugarcoat it, it 1000% became dependency. When we did get together, he was at my apartment every night. He moved in a few months later, when my roommate married and moved out. We have had some really horrible fights, but on the 7th we had a fight wherein my downstairs neighbor called the police and for the first time I let them in. He was arrested. I cannot state how badly I regret opening that door. The state I am in does not play with domestic violence, and it is a state-vs-him thing rather than something I control. I did tell my advocate I really did not want a protection order or anything of the sort. But the state requested it, so it was granted. He even called me the night prior a couple of times from jail. His next court date is not until the 5th of November and until then it's a complete no-contact order. Can't come home, can't text, can't call, his friends can't contact me, nothing — and to be completely honest his absence has been way, WAY more traumatic than the scuffle we had that night, or any I've ever had in my life for that matter. This is my rock, my best friend, he was my go-to person at work, my desk is right beside his. I messaged him all day at work since we work for the same company. I have major depression and anxiety and until now they have both been extremely, extremely easy to handle and stable with my medication. The anxiety was basically gone. That has gone entirely out the window. I can hardly get out of bed, I feel cold throughout the inside of my body, my chest feels constantly heavy and every minute feels like agonizing hours. Every second. I can't talk to my other half. It's been two days and I feel like I'm in constant hell. ESPECIALLY since I work 12-hr-shifts where everybody is going to ask me about him. 12s are legitimately terrible on a bad day, I cannot even fathom the pain that they would be like this. I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow. Please, please, please give me your advice. I am so lost.

hi i’m F 22 im from toronto. i’ve. been dealing with depression and anxiety for a bit now and i find it so hard to do certain things like brush my teeth, comb my hair or even just change out of my pajamas. i’ve recently been thinking about death more and accepting the fact that i may not be able to see the rest of my life unfold. i am not sure why but ive always had this feeling that i wouldn’t live long and i feel like it is true. i dont see myself making it past 25 or even in vision what my life would be like. i feel like i dont try hard at life anymore i kind of just settle esp at school or making friends socially. i am extremely insecure about the way i look because i have been constantly criticized for my weight by my mom and the females in my family. no matter how hard i try i dont think id ever be the happy little girl i once was. i started therapy which kind of helped but even then i still find myself going back to my old ways and having negative thoughts. i am in a loving relationship with the most amazing man ever and its a shame that i dont even have the will power to make it through life with him because my dark thoughts just consume me. today was my breaking point. my brother is extremely disrespectful to me always insults me from fatty, to im going to “amount to nothing in life” im a “loser” that works at walmart and that i have nothing going for me, which is fine because honestly im starting to think that now. no matter how much i try to not care the words will always hurt. today my brother beat the shit out of me. he was angry and he started to beat my head until i dropped to the ground i want to report this incident to the cops, but my mom threatened me saying she will kick me out if i do which is insane because it’s my parents duty to try and protect me but i genuinely don’t feel safe. btw i didn’t touch him at all. my mom doesn’t do anything but enable my brother and allow him to treat me like shit and says she will “deal” with it. but i’m honestly just tired. nothing is ever done and i never feel heard, im not sure what to do anymore i feel hopeless and i don’t want to even live anymore, btw i also think im getting sick like something is wrong w my body (been dealing with medical shit” and tbh im honestly ready to die at any point. i just wanted to share my story maybe it can give me an OUNCE of hope but i feel like im just a failure at life and that there’s no point of being alive or happy in this world. i want to try to live for my dog and for my boyfriend but sometimes the dark thoughts just take over.

(M 25) I’ve been struggling with crippling anxiety as long as I can remember, and Depression since I was about 13/14. It’s really only gotten bad in the last few months. I’ve been seeing a counsellor for about 2 years now and they’re great. I’ve been on a consistent medication plan for nearly the same amount of time. At first it helped a lot, but then some huge life events happened; my sibling was hospitalized for a schizophrenic episode, and later that same year one of my grandparents whom I was close with suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. My sibling has made strides in their recovery since, and my grandparent’s service was a couple months ago. Leading up to the service my depression became much worse, my partner (F 24) of many years had been very understanding and supportive. I thought after the service that things would return to normal or get better, but I ended up feeling a lot worse. About a month ago I asked my partner to take me to the hospital because I was planning to take my life. I saw psychiatrist and organized a new medication plan with them. Since then my life has felt like I flipped it upside down. My family, especially my partner, is worried sick about me and that I could harm or kill myself at any moment, and truth be told some days I do too. The emotional and mental toll it’s taking on her is brutal and I feel terrible. It’s compounded with guilt because a couple years ago she took on full-time work so that I could become a full-time student, but now I rarely go to class even though I’m so close to finishing my degree. I have zero motivation and it’s wrecking my relationship with my partner. She works so hard and I can’t even hold up my end of chores and responsibilities, not to mention our agreement with my education. I love her and I cherish her support, but her pain and concern for me reminds me that I’m ill. Like her being scared makes my suffering more real and I hate it. I want to tell her how I feel so that she know’s what’s going on but I’m so tired of telling her “Hey, I’m not okay again and I don’t know when or how I’m going to get better” and seeing her happiness and energy leave her body. She’s so exhausted and tired and I don’t want her to have to deal with me and my depression anymore. I don’t really know what I expect to happen, posting all of this here. But I wanted to put all my thoughts somewhere that’s not directly involved with my daily life. TL;DR: My lack of motivation is wrecking my relationship and my family and I have no idea what to do from here.

Man it's insane how crazily accurate my situation is to yours. I'm 30 stayed up late and slept whenever. Started keto in October cold Turkey while eating like shit before. Felt horrible after a week and stopped doing it. After I stopped, I became irritable, heart racing faster than I'm used to, and throat pain. I ignored it and I guess some stress built up. Then last week I got a big caffeinated drink (over 400mg of caffeine) and had a panic attack that night. Never had anxiety/panic attacks ever before and it was a traumatic experience. That night I got 4 hours of sleep with zzzquil, and woke up in the morning with a racing heart and the shakes. Went to the ER and they said my blood work/EKG was fine. I decided to try and eat healthy and work on my sleep schedule from that day, but still suffering from the insomnia/anxiety. I got magnesium last week, but I guess I was looking for an instant cure for this and gave up on it after two days. I got prescribed hydroxyzine for the anxiety, but haven't noticed much of a difference (it's only been two days). I know it's all in my head, but damn is it hard not to feel positive about it. This has to be the hardest thing I've gone thru in life so far. It's "comforting" to see someone go thru the exact same thing as me and to see that you're doing better. Gives me hope. Hope I get a reply in how you're doing these days. Best regards!

Hi, my story is so similar to yours, 3 years ago I started a calorie deficit diet, gradually reducing my daily calorie intake from 2500 to 1300/ 1400, and during this period I lost more than 32 kg, I’m 170 cm tall, and I used to weigh 80kg, at the end of this period I was only 48 kg. I was working out at the same time to prevent my body from losing shape. Finally, last year I started to have symptoms, first, palpitations, severe left arm pain, which was consistent, tight chest, stress and anxiety, and one night I just lay down to get some rest and instead of my body cooling down, I got hot flashes, palpitations, couldn’t breathe normally and panic attack symptoms and insomnia started. Since that night I have not been able to sleep one night without sleeping pills. Currently I’m consuming enough calories, not working out daily and letting my body get some rest, taking vitamin b complex, magnesium, calcium, vitamin c, omega 3, vitamin d3 and literally every vitamin and mineral my body needs. But nothing seems to be working. My weight is normal now, 54/ 55kg. But it has been a year and I can’t get rid of this severe anxiety and insomnia. Sleeping meds are not working anymore, cause my body is getting used to them so fast, can’t tolerate antidepressants and nothing works for me. Feeling so desperate and the lack of sleep makes everything even worse. I’m so glad you’ve found peace and healing so soon. Hope it all passes for me as well, cause I feel like I can’t deal with this anymore.

Bad insomnia and anxiety: I took Trazadone 2 times but broke it apart and didn't work for me. I had terrible dry mouth and stuffy nose from it...my stomach started to get nauseous and upset the next few days but I didn't know what from. I finally was told not to break it apart and took the whole dose of 125 MG at one time. Within 15 minutes or so , I could feel it coming on but my heart started to speed up. I finally passed out but had a very vivid and disturbing sleep with sweating and shaking and and increased heart rate. I woke once but fell back to sleep and slept till morning. The next day, my head was floating between the feeling of awake and dream...it is a bit uncomfortable. I don't know if this is normal or what, but it is a bit alarming. If anyone else has had upset stomach, floating head like dreamstate while awake...please add your comments so I can see if ok...thank you.

So... Did zopiclone didn't work at all? Female (30) here, I have this problem for 3 weeks now and even though I didn't suffer nearly as much as you have, it's still messing up with me. Basically everything in your post - that's me now. At night I have tightness in my chest, like mini panic attack when I can't sleep and after that happens I usually burst into tears. I'm asking about zopiclone because I went to neurologist two days ago and told her that I'm not there because I want meds, I want solution, since I don't want to go back to this state after I've completed the therapy (two weeks, one pill 7.5mg per night). She said that she is prescribing zopiclone so that it can reset my sleep rhythm. It worked first night, I fell asleep and was sleeping for 11 hours and was so happy because my body was exhausted. Then last night, it didn't work for almost two hours, and because the night before it worked in only 30 mins (I was awake so long before I took it) I had that panic attack and started crying because even that doesn't work. Let me say that your post helped me a lot, I read so much and basically nothing was giving me hope. Until I saw your words here, they were like the STOP sign, a sign to stop researching and reading because I am tired of that. And it's so hard because my "insomnia" started all of a sudden, not after some stress-induced thing... It lasts for "only" 3 weeks but it feels like it is never gonna end because I don't know the cause... I work like that - if I know the medical or logical cause of something, or if it can be explained, I know WHAT to treat and fight. But I realized it's anxiety because it has taken over my life and mind... And of course, I tried ALL of the sleep efforts, except CBT. Starting from tonight, I will try to stop trying and do my best to come back to myself and back to being me before and without sleeping issues. Thank you for putting this into words!

Basically the title. I always have difficulty sleeping due to many worries and anxiety about life, but I think tackling these two would be the lowest hanging fruit for me to start taking my life back. I always count in my bed "ok I have 8 hrs", then anxious thoughts come up and then I look at the clock and be like "crap I only got 7 hrs left", and this anxiety combined with my general life anxiety compounds and then its "6 hrs left, damn it I won't be able to focus tomorrow for that important meeting at 9am, and I'll be cranky I might snap at that guy", and so on, until my body gives up tired and I slept only 3 hrs or not even at all. I can only sleep easily when my body is tired physically it seems; when it's ok then it just wants to think and think. Anyone got through this?